My church Elder posted his concern in relation to the new media and the danger the youth at the present age face in regard to sex on his facebook wall yesterday and something got me thinking for I share his concern because I am a parent too.
I can't say much about how other parents should be teaching their children about sex but I do hope to share my own experience about how my now 14 years old son first exposed to the thing called sex and how it open the door for the both of us to talk freely and honestly about sex.
It was about 1 year or so ago,one Saturday morning,as I opened my PC notebook, I was immediately drawn to two websites as i scrolled down the history of visited sites,one being www,something to do with Asian Dolls.com the other was 98.com, I knew these sites were porn sites.
I had a quick check with my wife to ascertain if she went there,she said no and my gut feeling was telling me it must be my eldest son. I immediately called him to my side and asked him did he go to that two porn sites, gingerly and adamantly he said no and to be frank I was not at all convinced with his answer.
I told him that those sites were porn sites and told him it was absolutely all right to admit to me that he went there, I could sense that he was nervous,however he relented and admitted that he did go there.
After much probing and persuasion,he shared with me,it was not his intention to visit those sites,( i said i trusted him on that) It was because his classmate sent him an email telling him that these two site were,"ho lioa" (something great in Hokkien) and encouraged him to view and innocently he really taught it was "ho lioa"
From that incident on, Jovial has no problem talking "sex" with me and I believe it was because of that first porn,when he was not scolded,not called any bad names,not being punished and most of all,he was confident that he could talk to me about what other parents taught was a taboo subject.
I am sanguine that one day when Jo is into the real age of getting to know or wanting to do more of the sexual stuff,I shall be the one he will be looking up to......
P/S : When the door is opened,the love flows
It is quite normal for boys to watch porn. Old men like my husband also watch porn. Just have to warn him for not getting too addicted and curious to try out.
ReplyDeleteI think yes, at this new age, we parents just got to be brave to accept the fact that we have to be open to our child. Let them explore their curiosity is very danger..
ReplyDeleteYea agree with Yan, it's normal for men to watch porn. Just don't overdo it...
ReplyDeletekids are rather curious at that tender age..parents got to be aware.
ReplyDeleteYou really had a good start with your son! at least now he won't try so hard to hide it from you and is able to talk freely about it.
ReplyDeleteKids nowadays has all the freedom to find up by themselves what is sex about and usually most of them end up getting the wrong info.
Without being able to turn to their parents, kids will be easily misguided.
I guess it is really important for parents to educate the kids nicely and do not let the "taboo" to mislead the kids into the unknown world without a trusted guide.
Ho lioa? U mean ho liao izzit? Well, just leave him alone, a lot of experts says kids need to guide when comes to sex and porn, but aren't most of us still fine without guiding from our parents?
ReplyDeleteu r indeed your son's best friend. He can confine to you in everything not worrying u will scold or discourage him.
ReplyDeleteExposing our children to sex education early is good. We don't want them to try out themselves or get addicted to it. I want to be the person my kids refer to whenever they come across this taboo subject, rather than seek from other unreliable source.
ReplyDeleteIt is quite hard to trace whether kids go to those website after they know the "Clear History" function. We parents really have to keep a close eye on them.
ReplyDeleteAt least he kills the curiousity.. i also dont know what to do..
ReplyDeletewatching and going around searching porn is fine. afterall I would say that is one way a sex education can be learnt from. but, not all. some are just a no-no. and of course, don't get so hooked to porn until spouse gets ignores.
ReplyDeleteI have heard stories of some that rather watch porn to masturbate then to have sex with spouse. weird right? haha
I think is time to share more time of yours with your son, and try to hint or tell which thing is good which thing is no good. Oh well I am a bad boy, I know . . . opps :X
ReplyDeletegreat that your son is being opened to you. way to go Eugene :) u are a fabulous papa!
ReplyDeleteTo me, porn is like junk food. If you have a LIFE and not addicted to them it not an issue.Actually like junk food, I think porn can make a couple's
ReplyDeletesex life more interesting.
All form of sex acts have been around since the beginning of time so there is nothing to hide.
I believe kids have to be exposed to different kinds of thinking, religion, books , foods. From that
I hope they can learn to tell the goods from the bads by themselves.
Good for you and your son that both of us can talk openly about sex. It's important that young boys know that sex is sacred and shared only between married couples. Brave up for more tricky situations when their hormones run even more wild between 16-18!
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm amazed that you check history sites in your PC. Must mentally jot this down so I remember to do that too. Another trick is to put the PC in public area in house, eg living room so that chances to go into forbidden sites is less.
Cement God in their hearts, bro. Have a good weekend.
You are great very open and handled well in 'exposing' Jo yet saving his face and pride. Knowing kids at this age could be very rebellious. The more you said no the more they wanna do *quoting myself as example*. You know your sons better and Bananaz believe they are in good hands under your TLC.
ReplyDeleteThank you guys and have a great weekend
ReplyDeleteI was hoping to find some constructive advice here on how we should deal with our teenagers who've been caught surfing for porn on the Internet, but sadly, there's none. Everyone goes, it's normal, it's ok, and blablabla... really, Eugene, do you find it ok for your son to continue surfing for porn and watching porn? Because I don't. My 14-yr-old too had been caught by me surfing for porn materials in my laptop (when I checked my history), and he too explained that his friend from school introduced him to the websites. I'm suspecting now that this "friend" story is a cover our boys use to make excuses for their actions, a fictional character used to lesson their guilt.. It's not my fault, it's my friend's fault, so to speak. But never mind that, a person is not guilty until proven to be so, so let's not dwell into that.
ReplyDeleteI dealt with my son the same way you dealt with yours. We communicated, no voices raised, no anger shown, and the father and I thought we had gotten through to him, by telling him that, in a nutshell: porn can be addictive, and he is not ready for this at his age (when he does not even know what masturbation or wet dreams are yet), and it's illegal for him to be watching porn.
So all was fine after that.. Where he was in a state of confusion and distraction for the few weeks before he was "caught", he now was more his usual self, and we were relieved. He promised us that he will not go into porn sites anymore, because it's illegal and because it's addictive... he acknowledged that he was addicted and had been visiting porn sites for three-four weeks prior to being caught. He appeared remorseful, and truly sorry.
Anyway, Eugene, I caught him looking at porn again a month back, and this time, can you guess how we dealt with him?
Thanks for coming by my blog and encouragement.
ReplyDeleteYou are such a good daddy and a very open, understanding and loving dad! Tabik!
ReplyDelete