Tuesday, May 03, 2011

It is not about attending church...........

My neigbour Jo was on a long phone conversation with my lovely wife last Saturday evening, one side complaining, the other side complementing.

The complaining side was about her son,(same age with Jovial 14, same school as well) she was lamenting that, no matter how much she tried to control him, scolding him and curtailing his activities and even refusing to hook up internet line for him at home, he was still not bucking up, worst still, he began to play truant........

The complementing side was how good our sons were,blah blah and blah, then she began to imply that may be it was a good idea for her son to join us to the church............

After my lovely wife told me about the content of the phone conversation, I began to realize, why in my neigbour Jo's impression my son was better than hers, no no no, my son ain't no better than her son in some ways, I have my share of problem with my Jovial too, right up untill now,albeit all the good bonding we have.

I'd learned to regard Jovial as a 14 years old boy, no more small child, I began to listen and to respect his opinions and his arguments, even sometimes I have to shout at myself," Shut up Eugene, shut up, your son is talking and you save your opinions first and listen to his"

Just the other day, when Jovial told me about his friend sneaked out from school and went to the girl friend's house, I was then sharing my concern with him about such situation, the sex, the pregnancy and the problems from of the aftermath and we had a good chat about this,, he agreed and felt for my concern.

I am not discounting the fact that attending church is good for the teens but then again, what do we do as parent when we are at home?

When Jovial told me that he disliked my drinking habit, I must then thank him for he was only concern about the health part and i respect that.

I am still learning as being a better papa but one thing that to me is crucial is learning to respect our son and daugther as another individual with unique charecteristic

P/S : Repect is mutual but most often than not, we make it a one way traffic....



  1. Well said. If there is a way to post your blog on a parents magazine, should just do it.

    Nowadays its really different the way to raise up a kid if compare to last time.

    Last time its all about the Old Testament. Punishment and wrath of God, haha.

    Now, its all about the New Testament. Love, Mercy and Grace.

    Well, I cant deny it that going to church can help a lot, but not when you are making a kid felt like being force to go.

  2. From the moment they can speak, they have learned to follow by example. it's the crucial period of a kid's life. Going to church does help. Start them young, right?

  3. Yes, it helps bro! I wanna start my kid on my Sunday school soon !!

  4. one will never stop learning..

  5. Good one Eugene. Yes respect and attention for the teen. It's not easy but guess we are learning and improving ourselves right.

  6. Repect is mutual but most often than not, we make it a one way traffic . This is so true bro.

  7. I feel bad for not attending church constantly... you're not doing good if you're forcing, that's for sure. But going to church as a family is really important. Maybe you could talk to him nicely about going together? ;) It's not only good for him, but for each of the family members as well.

    Ooo the sex talk between parents and children. Must be awkward right. But it seems your boy is mature to have such talk with you.

  8. Good said, Eugene.

    But I do believe Sunday school helps much :)

  9. I do agree sunday schools help but the onus is still with the parents ,what they do at home......

    i love going to church as a family,,, i love doing that

  10. Think the way teens think nowadays are different from what we have... we can't seems to use the way our parents taught us to teach our children these days..

  11. Nothing beats parent's proper upbringing and guidance.

    Jovial is growing and as a teenager, there are issues that he will struggle with - conflicts...like he knows drinking is not good but his father drinks. That's why he wants you to stop.

    Perhaps you can cut down...and reduce it to social drinking only - when out for dinner, going out with friends...and limit to one or two mugs only (like what my daughter did before I stopped completely).

    Otherwise, it will be hard to tell him not to do something on one hand...and he knows that you do something not that right too. The days of "Do as I say, not as I do" are over.

    He's not a little kid anymore. Be grateful that you have taught him well - that he knows what is good or bad, right or wrong...and continue to pull gently, don't push! He may fall over the cliff and you would lose him for good.

    And pray...

  12. Agree with you bro, respect others and they will respect you too...

  13. Agree, everything starts from home.