Monday, August 23, 2010

The day we both cried.......................

I was frustrated, he was frustread, an argument ensued and it spoilt my sunday afternoon and his, admittedly i am learning very hard to deal with my 13 year old boy,i have my flaws admittedly.

Words came out bad, action excecuted bad, i knew i was angry with him when he refused to talk but put on a long face, i got even madded when he acted nonchalantly, i started talking softly telling him that he should talk to me for i cared and i was telling him that he made me as if i was lousy dad, he still acted disdainly.

I scolded him badly, words were harsh, i felt bad deep inside, he started crying and it made me worse, i walked in and out of the living room and his bed room, one part of me suddenly i realized that " eugene, please change your approach towards your lovely son" the other side of me was saying," hey i am your father and you better stop acting the way you are acting."

I was praying," Lord, help me on this, i really don't wish to do anything to hurt this boy, i love so much."

Again i walked into his bedroom, he was standing at the corner of the room with tears in his eyes, i decided not to ask him anything but instead i wanted to tell him how i felt and before i could say anything, my tears began to stream down, here i was staring at my lovely son of whom i have scolded badly, put him outside the door.

As i was choking with my own tears, i said sorry to him," i held him close to my chest, telling him i love him so much and i am sorry again if i had hurt him with my words" He hugged me too with his chin rested on my shoulder, wet with his tears he said," sorry papa" i said ok son.

After the all that, i put him to nap, gave him kisses on his cheek and telling " I love you" he responded," Love you too"

Went for dinner nearby with family and a good friend, after dinner as my wife still wanted to chat with the friend, i asked my Jovial if he wanted to walk home with me, he agreed and as we walked i held his hand, and saying "sorry again"

P/S " When love takes precedence, anger is thrown into oblivion


  1. It's not going to be easy. A lot pf patience is needed. :)

  2. i face this with my 4yo also ... if i whack or daddy whack him ... sometime when i slow talk with him .... my tear also will roll down ... is hard but i hope a 4yo boy will know how much we love him too .

    But what u hv done is good , at least u tell ur 13yo boy what u want and how u felt, sometime parents also hav to open up abit to the kids. especilly dad, i think u done a good job n not every DAD will do that and hv tear . wow ... u r amazing dad .

    heh, hv a great week ahead :P

  3. If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn
    If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight
    If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to shy
    If a child lives with shame, he learns to guilty
    If a child lives with encouragement, he learns to confidence
    If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate
    If a child lives with fairness, he learns to justice
    If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith
    If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself
    If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, he learns to find love in the world.
    -Dorothy Law Notle-

  4. It's not easy to raise a child according to rights apitute and beliefs especially during the years of rebellion.

    Pray for spirit of patience, love and understanding.

    I'm so glad that you bonded after the incident.

  5. my wife and I too, had a tough time getting our kid to do his homework yesterday but in the end, motivation workd. check out my next blog tomorrow, still unpublished.

  6. i'm.. speechless... i hope i can be as good as u when ethan is in his teenage years, eugene...

  7. Experienced that before, eugene.. life is such as a parent...

  8. bro.... Jovial is such a lovely son la!!! I always so touched when I read you write about him.

  9. Eugene, I'm not a father... probably will never be one, but I've got to tell you THIS as a son to my parents:

    1. No matter how stubborn your kid is, shouting or spanking them could just make matters worse.

    2. Kids need time; they need space, so at times, leave them alone but assure them that you'll always be around for them. Do not keep pushing them to tell you things.

    3. Loving them does not mean being over-protective because if you do that, you're just going to ruin their lives

    I'm telling you this because I've not had a good childhood, and I'm struggling to stand on my own two feet now. All three items above, I've experienced before as a son. And I didn't like them.

    I'm sure things will be alright after this :)

  10. It's a good thing the both of you forgive easily :) Every relationships require different skills of communicating and hopefully you found yours with him!

  11. if i got my kids someday, i'm gonna remember how you raise your kids and make you as one of my role model. =)

  12. He's 13. He's a Pre-Teenager. He is going through a messy stage which doctors have difficulties when it comes to explaining.

    All you can do right now is to provide him a good environment. They are not mentally matured but physically they are bursting. Accept it! And stop kissing and holding your 13 years old' hands. Give him space to bloom as a gentleman, instead of being Daddy's boy( you see, you see, it's supposed to be Daddy's girl and Mommy's boy!)

    As a father, teach him to be respectful to women. Teach him to be a gentleman. Teach him to be responsible! STOP crying infront of your son! STOP rubbing your weaknesses on him! He needs you to help him to be a MAN.
    Remember, how you were brought up is totally different to your son's generation. Handle it carefully!

  13. my dad is hot tempered person, and when he is angry, he will say many hurtful word that hurt, though he might regret and apologize later, but some wound still have scar. so its wiser to not speak when in anger. thats only my humble opinion :)
    kudos to you for sharing feeling with him afterward. crying together can strengthen the bond. hehe

  14. my dad dnt bother to say sorry to us even its his fault. :( always hope for him to come to me, but he usually will ask mom d one to apology on behalf of him. :(

  15. Take time out. You need time and your son needs too.
    Though my kids are much younger than yours, but I also experienced the same situation. Worse than yours, when I cried in front of my girls, they didn't know how to react. They didn't even know to apologize to me.
    If talk is hard to do with your 13 years old, I suggest you write. Write a letter to him and encourage him to write to you too. Writing is not as harsh as speaking.

  16. I'm having a hard time with my lil Eugene too, now that he starts schooling, sometimes he doesnt want to go to school, I dunno either to talk nicely or to scold him!