Friday, January 25, 2013

As a parent,sometimes I am confused......

The other day I was having lunch with a customer ( a devout Muslim) and Jovial was tagged along as well.half way through the conversation,I saw some peanuts displayed at another store so I asked Jovial to help me to buy some for me.

What Jovial said to me,in a way incensed my friend,Jovial said," You go and buy for yourself lah" after hearing that,my friend said this to Jovial,"How can you say this to your father? You are supposed to tell your father,(no worries Papa,I will get it for you),you are supposed to be filial,what more you are raised in a Chinese school"

My friend continued,"What if one day your papa is old and if he can't walk,then it will be so sad to have a son like you" With his voice low, Jovial meekly responded to my friend's last comment,"When my Papa is old,I will surely take care of him but now he is still young and able ma and he should do it by himself"

When I shared this incident with my lovely wife,what she said triggered my brain juices as well, she said,most of the times,I would ask Jovial to do it himself when he wants something,then she continued by the same way,Jovial thought that I should do it myself (when I can and able to) and not depending on someone else.

To be very frank,I had my "water face' dropped by Jovial's action in front of my friend, so it was about my "water face" rather than looking at Jovial's reasons,....

Last night,before the sleeping time,Jovial asked me was I continued to be lectured by my friend when I went to see him again in that afternoon, I said yes and I told Jovial that I did not blame his action,simply because I was sure that he was only making his stance and be adamant about it,wasn't that the trait I thought him?

I said to him that I knew that he did love me dearly........Ditto

P/S : Still Learning


  1. Wah! This post raised my eye brows!!! I would have gotten a slap from my own mother if I said that la. She was so strict in her Thai manners until I would squirm even when she stared sternly into my eyes!! So, I would never dare to answer her back until today. Terror Mama I had... LOL

    Your son is still innocent and there was no right & wrongs. Happy Holidays!

  2. Kids nowadays not like before. They are encouraged to think and speak their that is why. Our time, no questions asked, not allowed to think and just do as told. Time has changed...but it all depends. Every individual is different.

  3. My girls too would ask me to help them doing things that they could actually do themselves. Sometimes, I would tell them to do it themselves, when I was tied up. I would explain to them, I would love to help them if I was free.

    People says what go around, come around. I try to remember this when I educate my kids. Things that I don't wish to hear them say, I try not to say to them.

  4. You are a sensible father, Eugene.
    At times I was also embarrassed by what my kids said.. in front of OTHERS. For example:
    "My dad everything also listens to my mom one..." (Being a mother, I am the one who make most of the unpopular decisions which affect their "entertainment")
    "Mom, it is so have told me this thousands of times" (when i tried to remind them to be careful when they're out in the public. I know I kept reminding them of the same thing)
    At times I just feel they were RUDE (especially when it is heard by the outsiders), even though they are good kids. Hmmph....

  5. well, kids are kids.. they don't know that it is kind of "rude" when they speak out their minds especially in front of outsiders.. If I were you, I would be dumbfound as well... hmmmm... will it be alright if I tell them that when we are occupied with our friends, they should try to oblige our requests?

  6. Jovial's speech sounds quite matured ;)

    Anyway, it's true that kids these days are very much different from last time.

  7. sometimes that happens but we as parents we usually expect our kids to be obedient.

  8. I think it's different perspective.

    You have to put yourself in his shoes. If your father ask you for a help, will you do it?

    It's not like a command or something, just a favor.

    If he does not want, he might give reason/excuse politely.

    Maybe that was why your friend gave him an advise. Nothing more than that.

    If he used to be this way, do you think he will change his attitude to you in the future? I mean, they are like sponge that absorb everything they hear and see. So, like your wife said, maybe because he learned this from his mom, well... in this case your wife was not guilty. He might asked your wife to take his toys or something which she could not just follow it as an order. Once he used to it, he will do it to his friends or some older people as well. It was a lesson for him, but you must change the perception when it comes to your case. It is different case.

    Kid is easy to teach now rather than when they are getting older.