You know there is a saying in Mandarin that goes like this, “你最深爱的人，伤你最深“ the one you love the most,hurt you the most...........
Admittedly, I do have a little favoritism towards the first born over the second,so admittedly again,sometimes I am not being equal to the both of my boys as I wish I could have or always shall be but the stark fact is that's so true that I do have favortism.
It was on a late Saturday evening, I told Jovial that it was time for him to stop playing online game and rest cos it had been few hours straight playing just that.online games. (Maple Story),he was not kind of happy at my instruction but he gave in nevertheless.
Instead,he turned on the TV, I told him to get to sleep again and I told him that I needed to sleep too cos I needed to get up very early to go for my run, I requested him to turn off the light
as well, he said he didn't want to, again I told him papa could not sleep with the light on and he said,"that's my problem"
To me,"that's my problem" is a great blow to me, my 14 years old son smacked me with that statement and without hesitation I told him straight to his face that I was indeed hurt by that statement.
I don't know may be it was because I have been molly coddling him subtly without me even realized it all this while because he was the first born or because I have been giving him to much to his requests..................
P/S : S**t my son said that to me
I can understand your feeling. My 14 year old boy loves bb gun but I disapproved him playing. Once we were back in the hometown and without my knowledge, his dad got him quite a powerful one from a small shop. I was extremely crossed when I found out. I refused to let him bring back to KL. With tears, he told me :"BUT I STILL WANT TO". Suddenly I felt that I he's not going to listen to me anymore.
ReplyDeleteI can understand. When children being to grow up and talk this way, it surely hurts. But then talking to them frankly is the key. And it's not that you gave in to too much of his demands as he is a first born. He is a growing boy...and will have his mood swings. Keep heart :)
ReplyDeleteI always swore that my mum loved my older siblings instead of me. They in turn pointed out that the youngest is mum's favourite. You are gentleman to admit here and I like that.
ReplyDeleteMaybe he said it in a jest? See what tone he is using.. sometimes my anak perempuan also like that one.. but i know she likes to joke .. unless it is in a serious tone or sarcastic tone, then I will feel "bitten" by the remark... but it is advisable that we explained our hurt to them (kids)... let them know we are "jolted" with their remarks..
ReplyDeleteMy time has yet to come, but I guess teenagers are most likely to rebel. I'm the eldest in my family, making me the apple of my parents' eyes. I recalled I made hurtful remarks towards them when I was young, naive and rebellious *guilty*
ReplyDeleteReading comments and learning something here.
ReplyDeleteIt's not easy to deal with teenage. Some how I find the way we talk with teenage make very big different.
ReplyDeleteIf you tell your Jo "少年不努力,老大徒伤悲", definitely won't able to get in his mind.
But if we told say - “15岁觉得游泳难，放弃游泳，到18岁遇到一个你喜欢的人约你去游泳，你只好说“我不会耶”。18岁觉得英文难，放弃英文，28岁出现一个很棒但要会英文的工作，你只好说“我不会耶”。人生前期越嫌麻烦，越懒得学，后来就越可能错过让你动心的人和事，错过新风景。via蔡康永。
Nowadays teenage would prefer this way. Really need a tactic to talk with them, not easy task.
You did it right for telling Jovial that you felt hurt from what he said. Sometimes, my girls would say something rude to me. I would rectify what they said immediately, and reprimanded them not to say this again.
ReplyDeleteGrowing teenage boys need to be handled carefully...but it appears to me that you favour the 2nd one... Dunno if I'm mistaken but that's how it looks to me.
ReplyDeletesorry to hear that. you did the right thing. Perhaps your son didnt say it intentionally..but no matter what, i think it's also good to let them know how those few words can be such painful to hear for a parent and hope they are aware of their own feelings too if someone were to said those to them.
ReplyDeleteSometimes it's a reflection to u too. Perhaps u behave the same way, now ur son is behaving the same way.
ReplyDeleteIn a way, Jovial is correct (even though he shouldn't have said it right into your face). If you can't sleep with the light on, that is indeed your problem. I cannot imagine my hubby saying that to me and expect me to be in the dark just because he needs to go to bed... you know what I mean?
ReplyDeleteEugene, I think you got to be careful not to show favoritism. Kids are very sensitive and that may cause the less favoured to rebel. However, you did the right thing to make known to your son what he said hurt you and I hope you have explained to him why too.
ReplyDeletei know... both my husband and i love pepper more, maybe she was the first furkid we have.
ReplyDeletethe only thing i can said, the teenager is brilliant. the traditional culture is no longer exist. anyway they live in their own way and you got to think how you are going to penetrate in their life. no more just instructions like out time. is always not easy to be parent.
ReplyDelete