Wednesday, December 22, 2010

That feeling came back..........

I didn't really like to pen this down here but then again if i don't it will not be me and it will not be what it was supposed to be bold talking, a bit of struggle here and there, i said WTF let's share it.

For once that feeling came back, a feeling that was slightly tainted with hatred, resentment, me against a someone and i was so surprised that this feeling came back, i thought i got over it, done with, dealt with many many years ago, i could not believe it, it resurfaced.

I saw him among the crowd the other day, one part of me saying i could just walk up to him and greet him," Pastor so and so " exchanging some pleasantries and walk off but the other part of me was so adamant that i would just shun him, saying to me look remember Eugene so many years ago, you walked into the church looking for him for help and how he acted so disdainfully towards you and as if you were not worthy of his time and this is the same one whom you divulged some of your dark secrets to......yup there was the bleakest period.

Those period was a kind of fragment of tumultuous emotionally and mentally for me, a struggle to get to the new from the old, a few good friends were there for me clutching me out from the other side just when i thought i could seek comfort from the so called " spiritual" man, man failed but gladly God prevailed.

You know sometimes it is really sad how we as a friend, a father, a husband,a colleague, a church member fails to extend just a little TLC to just another or the other friend, lending them some ears when they need to be heard, put our hands on their shoulder when they need a little pat of comfort.

I know how it feels like being ignored when you really wanted to be heard, how you crave for a little warmth just when you thought the world was cold, how you wish those who attended the wakes of your loved one would continue to visit you after the passing of the loved ones, not just a night or a few nights but really seeing you coming out from the saddest moments,it might take months or even years.

One of my staffs is currently going through a divorce as his boss in this difficult time of his i must put my hands on his shoulder urging him to hang on, telling him that he could always come to me if he wanted to talk, to off load some burden.

Happy Solstice or 冬至快乐, remember there is someone out there wants to be heard.. spread a little love ya .....

Remember to put your Trust in God when everyone else or everything else fails....ya

P/S : My Marvell said this to me the other day," Papa, you know we can't buy love one but the best part is we can always give love" how profound coming from a 10 years old boy

23 comments:

  1. Your post always touch a string in my heart. Yes, even the spiritual man can fail, but God always prevail. I remember many many years back when I came of age to be a member of a church and in a chat in front of the pastor, I said I have no interest to be one. I guess he felt offended because thereafter he told me that Holy Comm was for baptised AND members of the church, and stopped me from taking. How wrong is that? But all is forgiven, yet hard to forget.

    We all have feelings of resentment, bitterness, unforgiveness and betrayal. Good friends that didn't turn last, friends that passed like the season, even parents who didn't live up to our expectations.

    It's an internal battle. But let this season be one of celebration and forgiveness.

    Take care bro, and Blessed Christmas!

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  2. Let bygones be bygones. Anyway Happy Winter Solstice!

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  3. Happy Winter Solstice to you and family!!
    Cheer up!

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  4. true..we can't buy love but we can always give love..

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  5. Happy Winter Solstice to you, Eugene. May 2011 bring more happiness and love to you and ur family!

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  6. Happy winter solstice to you and your family too.

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  7. hi ... hi , 冬至快乐! & 圣诞快乐 !!

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  8. This season of festivities is a wonderful way to increase our spiritual consciousness. Please use this period of joy to add light to the world with our thoughts, words, feelings, actions, beliefs and attitudes....and we will hear the presence our divine guidance, without the interference of our selfish human egos. I wish you peace and joy this festive season. Have a Blessed Winter Solstice, Christmas and New Year, dear Eugene and family ^_^

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  9. Love is all we need...
    Have a great day my dear friend...

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  10. We are.. after all.. only human eugene, with emotions and all...

    happy winter solstice to u n fam

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  11. Sometimes we may feel frustrated with our friends but then again, I ask myself.. am i perfect? of course not... so when people hurt us, we use that experience so that we will not hurt others too.. at least we hope not to..
    Happy Christmas to you, bro!!

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  12. Sometimes, it's best just to let things be and ignore things around us if necessary. Spares us the pain of annoyance and irritation. Happy winter solstice... tho I dun see the point celebrating while we don't exactly have winter in Msia! If only there's winter in Msia!

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  13. Look at the bright side you still have great memory of an elephant like cleffairy mentioned earlier in her post and the dark side is working upon you again and its perfectly OK. Work on it just be aware of your mind and do the reasoning or talk to yourself. This may sound crazy but eventually time will heal. Happy Dōng Zhì 冬至快乐.

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  14. trust... once lost, not easily gain especially on people you look up to. your little marvel smarter then grown up here. maybe they should take a listen or two from kids.

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  15. Happy Winter Solstice to you and family too! Very well said of little Marvell and I am impressed..

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  16. I like what Marvell said...he is vaery compassionate...well done....marvelous Marvell!

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  17. I cant believe a Pastor once rejected you.. how can............ but then again as Irene said, we r all human n we do fail right...

    Till today, my father still feels that he had failed to raise me up properly.. although the problems lies with me... *sigh*

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  18. I think we just have to learn to forget and forgive. Pastor or priest are just human like us..

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  19. the thing about forgiveness is , sometimes you think you get over it, but then you backslide and still feel the hatred. the feeling will be overwhelming. i walk through that part before. but forgiveness is active act, you constantly remind yourself to forgive. don't.
    i went through that too, the betrayal etc.
    make me remember of a QUOTE
    “People ask me what advice I have for a married couple struggling in their relationship. I always answer: pray and forgive. And to young people from violent homes, I say pray and forgive. And again even to the single mother with no family support: pray and forgive”

    - Mother Teresa

    i read a book titled why forgive and i weep and cry and soften my heart.
    http://www.ntslibrary.com/Why%20Forgive%20J%20C%20Arnold.pdf

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  20. Happy "ciak (eat) ee" festival to you and family.

    Don't worry...you're only human. Don't harbour any feeling of hate - just let it pass, forgive and forget...and avoid the person concerned...so the old feelings would not come creeping back. We all have our own lives to live - make the best of it, stay happy!

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  21. I am not harbour hatred la, it is just that once in while ,those bad memory pops up only, i am totally free of hate,resentment hahahahhah

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  22. Whenever hatred strikes you, just remember your lovely boy's saying, God Bless You!

    Happy belated Winter Solstice!

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