I didn't really like to pen this down here but then again if i don't it will not be me and it will not be what it was supposed to be bold talking, a bit of struggle here and there, i said WTF let's share it.
For once that feeling came back, a feeling that was slightly tainted with hatred, resentment, me against a someone and i was so surprised that this feeling came back, i thought i got over it, done with, dealt with many many years ago, i could not believe it, it resurfaced.
I saw him among the crowd the other day, one part of me saying i could just walk up to him and greet him," Pastor so and so " exchanging some pleasantries and walk off but the other part of me was so adamant that i would just shun him, saying to me look remember Eugene so many years ago, you walked into the church looking for him for help and how he acted so disdainfully towards you and as if you were not worthy of his time and this is the same one whom you divulged some of your dark secrets to......yup there was the bleakest period.
Those period was a kind of fragment of tumultuous emotionally and mentally for me, a struggle to get to the new from the old, a few good friends were there for me clutching me out from the other side just when i thought i could seek comfort from the so called " spiritual" man, man failed but gladly God prevailed.
You know sometimes it is really sad how we as a friend, a father, a husband,a colleague, a church member fails to extend just a little TLC to just another or the other friend, lending them some ears when they need to be heard, put our hands on their shoulder when they need a little pat of comfort.
I know how it feels like being ignored when you really wanted to be heard, how you crave for a little warmth just when you thought the world was cold, how you wish those who attended the wakes of your loved one would continue to visit you after the passing of the loved ones, not just a night or a few nights but really seeing you coming out from the saddest moments,it might take months or even years.
One of my staffs is currently going through a divorce as his boss in this difficult time of his i must put my hands on his shoulder urging him to hang on, telling him that he could always come to me if he wanted to talk, to off load some burden.
Happy Solstice or 冬至快乐, remember there is someone out there wants to be heard.. spread a little love ya .....
Remember to put your Trust in God when everyone else or everything else fails....ya
P/S : My Marvell said this to me the other day," Papa, you know we can't buy love one but the best part is we can always give love" how profound coming from a 10 years old boy