My growing 13 years old son, a 44 years old father, online computer games, my love to him, his silence, my frustration and my weaknesses......................
Sometimes i really wish i was Dr James Dobson, well equipped with the knowledge with everything and anything about focus on the family, especially dealing with my 13 years old boy, please dont get me wrong, my wonderful boy is not at all bad but sometimes he just gets to my nerves and his attitude swing and what not.
At times i really feel frustrated that i have to contain my own temperament and my moods just to make sure that i can talk to him in the friendliest way possible and most of the time his nonchalant attitude in respond to my advice and my lesson. could this be he is entering the era of rebellion?
Generally speaking, the online games are the culprit. I get worried when as if my son's life is only revolved around the online games, i tried as much as not to deprive him of the so called "the right" of a teen to onlines games, i gave him so many times to him when he said," papa, please give me another half an hour" " papa, i promised my friends already that i would go on line to play with them" even it is school day.
He really wrecks my nerves, when he is not online, he seems lost and everything and anything i say is just like "gone with the winds" even as we go out shopping, he would show his disdain when we decline his request of going back early all in the name of online games.
I love my children so much but i dont want to grow up without "life" except online,PC, Facebook and more onlines. I know besides all this, i still have to discipline him with LOVE, it is just that at times i do not know how to associate Love and Discipline at the same time.
Care to share? For i want my sons to grow up loving me then loathing me.
P/S : Learning to be a better Papa willingly
I love his FOCUS ON THE FAMILY on radio... They do not have that anymore though. But no problem though - just follow you heart,let love lead the way...and everything will be all right. Life is a bed of roses...with all the thorns.
ReplyDeletecome lets shake hands...
ReplyDeleteeugene, i do understand very well of your so called "frustration"... till today andy still plays his dota till wee hours in the morning.. what can i say.. but i thank God that during his 13 years old, computer games was not a hit yet.. that was the year i bought the computer and none of us were good at it yet..
about your son, got to tell him that weekends are the only time he can play.. weekdays.. a big no unless it is school hols.. will this work?
I agree with Claire. Fix a time table. Weekends, Public Holidays or School Holidays are only time to play online games for may be 2 hours. The rest of the time is NO NO.
ReplyDeleteI feel for you. I'm very worried when I have my turn... now already handling toddlers seem challenging, but the real challenge is when they are in their teens, right? You hang in, there... pray. And maybe, some other activities like sports or something?
ReplyDeletei hear you i have 2 boys of my own...engage him in new ways...trying playing with him as well...have him show you what he does...talk to him about what he likes about them...think there are a lot of teachable moments here you can use...
ReplyDeletethanks for sharing what u go through with your children... scary, i really dunno how i'm gonna deal with helena when she becomes a teenager... hopefully i can be a good mum to her
ReplyDeleteI thing I have heard him before on radio too. :D
ReplyDeleteReckon Dobson has his share of incidents too. Sigh...I experienced one with my 2+ year old last night too.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you can set expectations with him. How much time on the PC, how many books he has to read in a week/month and how much time he has to spend outdoors. And what he can or cannot do etc.
They say set boundaries and expectations for the kids and they will try to live within them. And they will know that if they step beyond the boundaries, they are set for punishment.
By the way, read the book Dare to Discpline? It's quite a good book.
my boy is only 5. and i allow him to play game only during holiday or weekend. but wonder when he turn to 13, will he still follow my schedule?
ReplyDeleteEugene,
ReplyDeleteI am sure you have your strenght too.you might not be Dr James, but I am sure your son will just want you to be you and not somebody else.so stop comparing.(I know that's easier said than done)just try being a friend to him, instead of being a father. you will see relations will improve. by the way have you heard of Mike constantine. He has a booket on 21st century parenting and I find it quite interesting and useful. if you like I can mail it to you. gratis! Just give me your address.
I think when we do not have any quality thing to do, we will start spending our time on online game. Yes I'm busy playing FB games at office. Company business slow, nothing much work to do, hence it help me kill my time. It would be good if he can find an interesting hobby so his butt wont glue on the computer chair.
ReplyDeleteMy oldest is 27, I went to watch Dr.Dobson's talk too. The most impact on me was his suggestion not to use the hand to smack a child. He said to use a stick.
ReplyDeleteIn New Zealand, you are not allowed to smack.
RE: One third rule. apparently, if you photograph landscape, eg, sky and land, you must allow one third for the sky.
only potraits are exempted.
But I am a Ching Chai person, so I don't trally follow this rule. Glad you asked.
I went back to the old tip given.Sunday Stills Challenge on August 31, 2009 by Ed
ReplyDeleteAs any good photographer can tell you the subject, unless macro should be in the top or bottom third of your viewfinder or the right or left third. so this weeks challenge is to use the rule of thirds. Any subject will do, just make sure it is either in the top or bottom or left or right of the picture.
Example: if shooting the sky have the horizon at the bottom of the pic, if shooting a horse pic have it off to the right or left with a pasture filling the screen. It just takes practice since we all tend to center the subject.
This was what was taught about the rule of the thirds.
But I am a ching chai person, I don;t follow any rules. just aim and click. But for this last Sunday still, I happen to know what the challenge was for the day, and I was out taking photos, so I took some. Still I only took the hortizontal third, infact, it applies to vertical side. Something like don't centre all you objects.
I went back to the old tip given.Sunday Stills Challenge on August 31, 2009 by Ed
ReplyDeleteAs any good photographer can tell you the subject, unless macro should be in the top or bottom third of your viewfinder or the right or left third. so this weeks challenge is to use the rule of thirds. Any subject will do, just make sure it is either in the top or bottom or left or right of the picture.
Example: if shooting the sky have the horizon at the bottom of the pic, if shooting a horse pic have it off to the right or left with a pasture filling the screen. It just takes practice since we all tend to center the subject.
This was what was taught about the rule of the thirds.
But I am a ching chai person, I don;t follow any rules. just aim and click. But for this last Sunday still, I happen to know what the challenge was for the day, and I was out taking photos, so I took some. Still I only took the hortizontal third, infact, it applies to vertical side. Something like don't centre all you objects.
helu...Eugene.
ReplyDeletedon't wish you were Dr James Dobson.better wish you were your son instead...how's that ? you see the point now ? you may have some control of him when he's at home but when he's outside,he may tend to ...younno talks or discuss more on online game with his classmates or friends. later on,he may even skips his meals just to be online for the showdown with his friends.just have to "swallow" all these while he grows up....hehehe
its an addiction... for me, i try not to get hook. else.... gone case lar...
ReplyDeletewhen i use to still be a carefree single lady.no pregnancy,no husband. I really wouldn't understand the thoughts written in your blog entry. But now that I have my baby boy , I do understand how every single thing we as parents will be worried,no matter how tiny it is,we worried because we are not sure if our kids can do the right decision for themselves at this young age.
ReplyDeleteAnyway,just to share..hope you don't mind my long comment.
My brother is one of such as you describe your son and I find him still a good boy,although he tends to get frustrated and annoyed when he don't get to play his games. My parents would be on panic strike and would ban him and do whatever they can to stop him from touching the comp. But that only makes matter worst.
I know my brother,and your son are still good boys and they do still understand priority in life if we are by them to guide and talk to them patiently. These games are just games they build their curiosity in and a way to hangout and have a topic with their friends.
My brother is now in University learning product design and he automatically quit his online games although he do still indulge in them occasionally. It just proves that he does know his studies is much important than the games.
I suggest then,instead of building up a tense relationship with your son everytime when it comes to games, instead let him play if he insist to,but when there are dad and son activities, try to talk to him about your worries for him as a father, i'm sure your son will understand!best of luck!:)
Thank you guys for your kind comments and suggestions, i know i shall be a better father all the time,for i have learnt from each and everyone of you.
ReplyDeletethank you
i share your frustration, Eugene. For me, my kids are tv addicts. they can watch the same movie over again for 3 times the same day! they're still too young to be exposed to online games, but i know the day will come. till that time, i will ask advice form you :-).
ReplyDeleteI'm surprised at Beii's comment because her brother sound just like me...I was once hooked on DoTa and then when i went over to uni to study industrial design which also known as PRODUCT design, i slowly quit..LOL talk about coincidence
ReplyDeleteMay be i should share my experience..as much as you like to be a good father, unfortunately, it is hard to stop him completely...kids nowadays will end up hating u if you kept them from doing something...and YES, he's in that rebellious period..
My mom last time kept preventing me from sports, computer and tv even when I'm in secondary school..I end up hating her but we have a heart to heart talk and eventually a more mature me begins to understand and forgive her..but things could get a lot complicated as my mom never shows appreciation although she has it.
my suggestion is just talk to your son regarding the rules you going to set for him...just said that you will give him a certain period of time playing and that's that...if he want more privileges, he got to earn them by studying hard or helping around...just tell him honestly that the real world will only reward those who work hard...if he refuses, be strict and strip off his gaming privileges....being kind to a kid is one thing, pampering them too much is another...be strict with a reason, you might get hurt because usually kids dun get it and they will get angry over that...but when they grow older, they will soon understand....i'm kinda like a perfect example for that..i'm sure that he will come to his senses and play by your rule....and when he plays..just make sure you don't frown at him to keep him happy...so he will tend understand that you only want the best for him...
Eugene, my 13-year-old, and my 9-yr-old, and my 7-yr-old knows that there's absolutely NO computer time from Mondays to Fridays. Except school holidays. Lay the ground rules. Sure he'll sulk, but he'll come round. Plus, it's for his own good! As the saying goes, sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.
ReplyDelete