Tuesday, November 24, 2009

My Gay friend's Dilemma

During the weekend, as my lovely wifey and wonderful children were not here by myside, i took the oppourtunity to set up some meeting ups with old friends, and one of them that i've always wanted to meet up if time permitted was this friend of mine...Sam.

So meeting was set up, 2 o'clock Starbucks over a cuppa of coffee or tea, i have always loved how Sam carries himself, he is almost flawless in his dressing, his discerning tastes and his casual and inviting demeanour.

But this time, he didnt look so happy and i wondered why, so as we chatted along and as usual he asked about my family and works, and in return i would do the same, i have always very concerned about his love life, simply because we are very close and i am one of those few friends that he would confide in.

With his voice sunken, he told me that he'd just broken up with his partner of 5 years and Sam is a gay, he is in his mid 30s, an accountant by profession, he shared with me that he was so lost now, as his partner suddenly told him that he wanted to get married and have a normal life.

He'd tried to salvage his relationship but his partner was not willing to live a double life and with no choice he conceded to his partner's decision.

You see Sam will not be seemed as a gay in public eyes,(not even his family knew about his true identity) except the few of us, now that he was in quandary as he shared with me, if he could just make himself known to his family first than slowly to his circle of friends.

He said he really wanted to make himself known as a gay, but he was so scared of the stigmatic impression from his fellow collegues and his family, worst still he told me that there were a few lady colleagues of his who had shown interest in him.

I told him, if i were him i would slowly but surely come out into the open with my true indentity if i were to be a gay, after all it is my life and if i have good characters, people will respect the way i want to live my life.

Q)What would you do if you were my friend Sam?

Note : Sam is the nick, i cannot use his real name, he is very dear to me, he'd agreed for me to blog about it by using a nick, and i appreciate it.

P/S : If this is my life, i dont need others' approval to live it, do i?


  1. I am who I am, you are who you are...I am not in this world to live up to your expectations and you are not here to live up to mine! I think everyone's life is one's own to live it the way one chooses - nobody should force anybody into anything, not even parents...and good or bad, they will subsequently have to live with their choices - nobody else is to blame.

  2. If I were him...I will go straight. ha :D easily said than done right? But if I kept on being gay..it is really hard for me... :D

  3. not much comments but with this discriminative climate at this part of world, it's better for him to adapt to be straight.

  4. gay men are so out, they are in now!!! hahahaha.....i am sure society's perception of them will change slowly....they are highly capable people

  5. I can never fit into his shoes nor will I ever know what its like to struggle and to go through what he's going through. Surely I would not discriminate and certainly I want him to have a better life. Being in the dark certainly didnt help much, and to come out from the shell needed a great strength of courage. You have made your choice in life and you need to carry the weight of it, or else you really should be thinking is this what you want and is this right from you. Dont be afraid because God is always with you, seek Him for guidance and lean not on your own understanding.

  6. It is hard to answer your question eugene...

  7. i read a few gay bloggers here before and i feel for them.. most have not disclosed their dilemma except to their own blogs..
    being a gay or a lesbian, as stp said, it is their own choices..

  8. It is really hard to advise him, except to let him know that you're behind him 100%, whether he choose to remain closeted. Despite so many rants from those who are out who practically insist that others follow suit, it is really upto each individual's lifestyle and situation in deciding what's best to do. Sometimes, what people dun know, wldn't hurt then.

    Neways, what's the importance of yelling "I'm gay"? Just live a good meaningful life. Discrimination is everywhere, not only on gays.

    Please wish him well on behalf of all of us. :)

  9. It is usually better to come out and be honest with people...

    but in a place where we are... it might be harder because of the difference view of the the people here. So it be harder somehow...

  10. Life is all about choices I believe, and one will have to bear and cope with the choices made, just like what STP shared. :D all the best to your friend.

  11. Life is life- learning to accept your self, is a hard task to do. but somehow if you have the courage and confident in making it possible, you dont need to be afraid. for you are the one who lived your life, not the people behind you, if you will make this decision to reveal your self. since you said that you have the great thing to show up to the world, who cares, that is your life and you are just true to your self, if you will reveal your real identity. Live life. YOU DON'T NEED TO LIVE WITH OTHER PEOPLE'S EXPECTATIONS, BECAUSE YOU WILL BE HURT AT THE END OF THE DAY. lIVE BY YOUR SELF! BE FREE. I AM GAY, BUT IT IS NOT THE PROBLEM, I HAVE THE BAY.. SO WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS, IS YOUR LOVE. THANK YOU BUDDY!

  12. I just dunno wut to say, yes we dun need any permission to live our life the way we want.. well, just find the best in ourselves.. :)

  13. Society (here especially) still do not accept homogenic relationships.

    "If a man loves a man, it's wrong because God has made a woman for a man." - so they say.

    We are all humans. We are all children of God. So why discriminate? Gays or lesbians have every right to live the way they choose to but it's just too bad that in this country, they will find it hard to be accepted.

  14. just show the truth of myself...

    no point to hide it if your true character is like that...

    - BRAVE -

  15. Hi Eugene, could you please ask Sam to stop by my blog. I have a few gay friends who are bloggers on my blog list...so, indirectly I hope I can help and also, I have written a few articles on gays.



  16. erm... of coz it would be so much easier to say "just be yourself, don't care what others say", but it's reaaaaaaaally hard~ unless your Sam has a very strong stand of his own, full of confident type and REALLY don't care how other see him..
    else better star low loh, coz no need to share your privacy life with the whole world also right?

  17. oh sam, what a waste. if i were a friend of sam, i'll try to turn him back into straight.

  18. I wanted to leave a comment yesterday.. but didn't manage to coz my little girl was making lots of noise..

    I am here to just pat the shoulder of Sam, and I don't mind to have him as a friend, since I have quite a number of gay friends.. to me, they are who they are, as long as he is kind and nice, why do we bother on gay or not..

    My baby has got 2 gay 'god-daddy' anyway.. :D

  19. I have always thought gay men to be passionate, loving and caring and thus easily hurt. Does Sam want to let his family know in the first place? If not, he doesn't have to. I always believe what one does with ones life is nobody else's business.

    It must be hard for Sam breaking up after five long years. My heart goes out to him. Good that he has a good friend in you, Eugene.

  20. I don't think any of us can advise him because whether he wants to reveal his true sexual orientation is entirely up to him.

    If he can take the risk of his family members and friends shutting him out (and it's very possible) then go ahead! In fact, this will the best choice because he'll be free - he no longer need to hide all the time.

    And possibly, in time his family members and friends will accept him as he is.

    But if he can't or he's not ready, he really don't have to reveal himself.

    I really don't see why people make a big deal over sexual preference. Animals do it all the time! And it's just a preference!

    And if you believe in reincarnation, there's no guarantee in your next life, you won't be gay, so let us watch our words and actions and not condemn them cos karma may just catch up : )

  21. this is what i always use on myself - "I am who I am - I will NOT be someone that others want me to be to make one party happy or unhappy the next. Hate me or love me for being me, you pick."