Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Something bothers me...........

I attended my youngest sister's 20th wedding anniversary last saturday.(will talk about the anniversary do next few posts,when i get the pictures), it was kind of family affair with the family members from both sides and few very close friends of my sister's.

I was there early with my lovely wife and my two wonderful boys, not long after which my mother, my sister and her daugther in law came in, and i was kind of curious when i did not see my nephew with his newly wed wife, who is now pregnant with baby dues in November.

As an uncle, i am not that sanguine of his life after the marriage, he is young at only 22 and soon to be a dad, not bad looking and a sweet talker, i am worried to say the least of how he is gonna live up to be a responsible husband,lest say being the father.

Over the dinner, i was trying not to ask his wife, my mother or even my sister on why this nephew of mine was not here with us, but it really bothered me but then again i refrained myself from probing further as it was a happy occasion for the family and i regarded it that my nephew was an adult now, he should know what to do.

The record of mine nephew has not been at all savory before and after the marriage and i really hope that there will not be another unpleasant news coming from my nephew's side as far as his marriage is concerned.

I really hope i can talk to both of them (my nephew and his wife) about all that matters in a marriage as early as i can, if you know what i mean ?

Q) Sould i talk to them, risking myself being called a busybody or let them chart their own course?

P/S : Marriages are really made in heaven, but the problem is we are on earth

23 comments:

  1. Either u will be appreciated or would be called a "busybody." :) u r very kind and caring but before u start on them, maybe u get a better picture first of what they r facing?

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  2. It's a tough question, on the other hand, your thoughts are sincere, but can be construed as being a busybody, but then again, if it was me, I might speak to him informally, i.e. very casually, without his bride.

    If I sense defensiveness, then I shall leave it aside, as ultimately, he is already an adult, albeit a young one, and sometimes, they only way for them to learn is to let them chart their own course.

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  3. try asking OTHER people?..
    and nice quote in the end =)

    kenwooi.com

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  4. I think u need to talk to them Uncle. It simply because they are too young (OMG! Same age as me), but going to have baby soon~

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  5. If I standing in your nephew shoes, I don’t wish my uncle to come to me and tell me what I should do, coz 22 is already an adult.
    If I am standing in your shoes, I would go and have a talk with them…
    Hmmm… it’s up to you… hehehehe… vain answer from me…

    Marriages are made from heaven, but so do Thunder and whirlwind… XD…

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  6. btw @ reanaclaire
    is right..
    get a better picture of what is going on first, let go every constraint you’ve got in them, don’t fix your own perspective on them…
    =)
    No offense…

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  7. i think love is blind. whatever u say to ur nephew now will just go in one ear n out another ear i think.. somemore he is young. i doubt he will listen le.

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  8. No harm asking... Just don't be judgemental as to who's right or who's wrong...or take sides. Just nod and agree quietly...

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  9. Being a concern uncle..you should talk to your nephew.. maybe invite him for drinks or try to go to his workplace... who knows they need help!!

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  10. here's my family's golden rule:

    Everyone is responsible to advice each other when things seems wrong. Like it or loathe it, every family member is 'entitled' to help the other 'see' what they didn't. If they accept it, then its okay, if they don't then its okay too...cause we had done our part...

    That keeps my family going.

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  11. Oh you so kind ! If i have a uncle like you i will more than appreciated it! Sometimes we too "young" we just need some person who got more experiences than us, teach & direct us. Just like my sister and my other two sister in law, i always try to get their advices, because i think they got family so they know better than us....

    For me sometimes i quite stubborn too (can't easy to change my mind) just that i still try to listen what they will say because they are my family! They love me! I know at least they know how to protect me.... =)

    Again, so happy to know you!

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  12. Eugene... being a young wife and mum... frankly speaking, I HATE people butting into my marital problems, especially if they are relatives or older people who think they are better than us and more experienced, and know what we're supposed to do and whatnot. I LOATHE it, in fact, because listening to people-especially relative's advices usually brings more harm than good in my case... it happens without fail. Why? Because third party... especially relatives usually tries to probe the problem and try to settle it for us rather than just be an ear for us. It's disastrous. One should never be allowed to interfere other ppl's marital problems... unless advices are asked for in the first place.
    Sorry if my comment bothers you, Eugene, but this really comes from my heart. I experienced this first hand...I would never want anyone, including the immediate relatives to interfere my marital problems, no matter how severe it is!

    Yes, marriage is made on heaven, but the prob is, we're here on earth, full of temptations and God knows what else that can ruin our happiness!

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  13. if i were you, i will ask my mother or sister...maybe not directly to the nephew :)

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  14. marriages has its ups and downs..

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  15. lovely, that's why i am listening to you guys........... every comment is precious to me,

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  16. i agree with reanaclaire. they would feel that you are being busybody. Make sure you know what their situation is then only you can think of what better thing to do.

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  17. You are his uncle, you have the right just to ask him. Maybe, you could ask him why he didn't turn up at your sis anniversary. From there, you can prompt further....

    If he won't tell you the reasons, I think it's best to ask your sis?

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  18. sometimes younger parents need an advise from those who are older than them, no need to ask them wat to do, just sharing and talks about life experience with them...that should be ok..=)

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  19. I guess u better dun ask.... who knows he might just be away for work. And, by asking, u may sounds like already 'labeled' him as problematic. Let see how things go..good for your concern on him.

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  20. Keeping quiet is the best policy :)

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  21. Wow 22? Same age as me, but marriage is still very far from me ;)

    I am sure people at my age would be glad to have some advices from elder relatives.

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  22. I think I will not involve in their family matter-loh...unless they come to me to seek for advise, then I will sebiji-sebiji to talk to them.

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  23. Try to test some water before diving in... Or adding in a starter like "Just being caring, if there was a problem or anything that I could assist" then you can ask the question :).

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