Thursday, July 30, 2009

Should i continue doing this? i really dont know

Received a call from a very dear old friend, we have known each other for a long time now,ever since she was single, now thay she has a eldest son of 23 years old, that's about summing up how long i have known her.

The reason she called was to ask me for some financial assistance, she told me her house installment was 4 months overdue, and the bank has come down hard on her as she has been labelled as habitual defaulter. I dont know why, this time unlike the previous times, i told her that i might not be able to help her, she was saddened by my reaction, as this has never happened before.

I have been in a way helping her financially(without the knowledge of my wife), i dont know why,this time i just could not do it and i felt frustrated in extending the help,(eventhough i can still manage the amount).

I have been advising her "to cut the coat according to the cloth" been telling her to look for ways to reduce her spending, but i guess all my advice to her has come to a naught. I can understand that her husband does not earn that much being a school bus driver,but i can see she is not doing enough to living within means,(dont want to elaborate lah)

I have said to her many times, let sit down and learning to work out a budget, to prevent her from overspending, to look for ways to cut expenses, and everytimes i talk about budgeting she will hit me back that life would be no fun, if have to cut this, have to cut that.

Now, i am struggling, should i be so adamant enough to say NO, risking a long friendship or should i just give in for the last time? i really dont know.

When i tell my wife about this, i really hope she can understand, me helping another old friend.

P/S : I dont mind giving but would it help?


  1. Hello there! Thanks for dropping by my site.

    You actually did the right thing. It's time for your friend to learn her lesson. I believe your friend doesn't really know the real value of money.

  2. Hello. Thank you for following my blog. I'm following you back,

    I can def. relate to your problem. I know more than a few people like your friend.

    How do you feel about helping her? Do you feel like you're being taken advantage of? And in what way are you helping her? Is it a gift? A loan? Does she repay you?

    Anyway, it's all up to you. But if she really thought of you as a friend, not lending her any money should not change things.

    Take care!

  3. Well, the money was not lent, it was kind of love offering,so the issue of repaying does not arise.

    I just feel that my friend needs to learn ,,, that's all

  4. hmmm....if in your house my money is my money and your money is your money....reckon your wife may not mind...

    But then again...

    Reckon if it is not dire, hold back the all too ready assistance.

  5. my advice is.. talk over with your wife.. let her know and decide from there.. period. :)

  6. Hi Eugene, thanks for dropping by my blog. I wanna drop a "hi" to you but end up i couldn't find your Chat-Box here so i just drop a message here =)

    Well, i think you should not continue to help her. For me last time maybe i will choose to help them but then i think the more i help them the more they don't know how to be more independent and indirectly it's a way for me to bring them a big trouble also. Because they never know how to survive by themselves! So sometimes i think you have to let them learn a lesson at least let them learn how to solve the problem by themselves. And also if you keep helping them and later on if your wife find out then i guess you will have a trouble for yourself too. I guess is better tell your wife so maybe can come out with a better solution? Hope that help~ =)

    Nice to meet you again!

  7. with or without your wife knowing (which is better if she does-imho), I simply think you can really help her by not lending anymore.. or maybe just this one as the last.
    But hey, you're her friend not her banker.
    She really needs to start arranging her life, and as a friend, you get to help her make a first step ^^

  8. hai eugene, thank you for dropping by at my blog =)
    hurmmm..about the problem here, i agree with other blogger, ya u did the right thing, and your friend should know that she need to learn on how to solving her problem without keep on seeking others help

  9. You truly are a true friend, but then again... How long will you still help her? I think your friend just got to learn the hard way.

  10. teaching her how to catch fish is better than giving her a fish ;)

  11. Thanks for visiting my blog :)

    Sometimes, helping one time too many can be more of like encouraging her in her habitual living beyond her means thus incurring unnecessary debts.

    A true friend will help her by not bailing her out but by making her see the truth that she needs to live within her means. Sometimes, people change when they learn the hard way.

  12. In this case ... from what i read on your post ... she seems like a person who cares on your MONEY more than a FRIENDSHIP there don't have any friend's love i can see.... i think you shouldn't lend her the money... it doesn't mean that you're not helping her ... if one day she awake herself ... i think she might understand/know you're really helped her by this time =) she might understand that if she still treat you as her best friend after this ....

  13. Sometimes because of money we lost a good friend. I got a best friend of more than 20 yrs who I assist her when she lost a big some of money invest in shares and even borrow money from the loan shark, but after I borrow her a sum of money to help her. She begins to avoid me. Don't want to pick up my calls...that's what makes me so fusfrated, geram!!

  14. I think it is better to discuss it with your wife. And also, your friend needs to learn too. Else she may take you for granted. You can't be keep on giving her to money whenever she ask for it.

  15. Don't be too hard on yourself, you did the right thing. If she can't live within her means then it's really not your problem. Remember, you have your own family to take care. Cheer up Eugene!

  16. Maybe just give her one more time and tell her that's it , if she's not gonna change. This is the last time.

  17. I've learnt that sometimes, we have to be cruel, to be kind. And the best thing to do when you don't know what to do, is to listen to your heart!

  18. ohh.. u sound like you're in a tough situation. saying no would risk the friendship, giving in again would actually ruin the friendship in the long-run too.

    it's sad when things like this happen, take heart, i think u did the right thing too. probably explain to her why u are saying no, and hope she understands, if not soon, then at a later time.

  19. i can relate to what u r saying. u cut ties with her ages ago. to help out once or twice is ok but by refusing to accept yr advise, it is ok now for uto force the issue. otherwise u wil always b her doormat.