Thursday, April 30, 2009

The telling signs.......

She suspects that her husband is acting fishy recently, and she wants to find out could it be that her gut feeling is playing tricks on her, or her suspicion is getting the better of her and she is confused about it.

As a friend, she shared with me her dilemma and confusion and asked me as a married man if i could enligthen her about her suspicion that her husband is cheating on her. The first question she asked me was point blank " how can you tell if your spouse is cheating on you?" i simply told her, it is very simple and she was like gawking at me with disbelief and i said" As long as your spouse behaves opposite to his or her usual self then there is something fishy about it"

She asked me to elaborate and i just said as partners we should be able to tell if our partner is acting strangely of late or not, for an instance if he (i just say he for an example and i am not discounting the fact that ladies do cheat too) suddenly becomes very conscious about his appearance, the way he looks, the shirts he wears, the hair he styles of which it never occurs to you that he would take notice of all this before, that's the telling the sign.

And suddenly he complains about the way you look, the dress that you wear, the cellulite on your tighs, the perfume that you use, the frequency of sex has dwindled and how that little flaw would turn him off then you should know that he has you as a target to compare someone with, that's the telling sign too.

Brusquely,she suddenly raised her voice at me, saying something like this " you man are always the same, none is good, cant seem to be loyal and always think we woman are the one to blame and the reason for you alll to cheat" i can understand her outrage at this juncture, and meekly she apologized for here sudden outburst.

I was trying to pacify and assuring her that things are not that bad, and she could be wrong with her suspicion and all. Really i just hate to tell a lady friend of what to do in this scenario, neither can i tell her not to do anything, it is perplexing.

Lastly, i just told her to play Sherlock Holmes or Pink Panther to look out for the signs, but as friends, there's so much i can do. I left her with my sincere concern and telling her to change all that needs to be changed, including herself, to talk instead of fight, to love instead of to loathe.

Note : I sincerely hope the next time she calls, it will all be rosy news to me.

P/S : When was the last time you showered praise on your spouse, something like "you still look so gorgeous,dear"
P/S :


  1. no comments coz my experience i oppoite.
    Eugene what if ur hubby suddenly has increase libido & becomes more affectionate to the wife? anything fishy huh?

  2. Depending how well you know about your partner, sometimes our guts feeling can be very accurate.

    I had the same experience before. There are always pull and push factors when thing like this happen. I don't believe thing happens without any reasons. It is important that both parties can be very open to each other. I survived because of this. It was a very traumatic experience to me. I made mistake, I learn, I changed and I become stronger. Eventually after this incident our relationship become better, our love grow stronger.

    All the best to your friend there.

  3. oh gosh..i also just got the same incident , exactly like yours as mentioned in my post
    i really feel sad , really one...
    cos i know them for many many years already..
    so.. i find out that...
    no one can be called yr wife or husband until they r really buried as one.....

  4. waaa.. i love the english u use.. i envy how well u write.. :)

    i dont know wat to say.. men and women cheat. im not married, not yet, but i 'see' that scenario almost everywhere.. when i had my practical at miri during second year uni, the office staff used to talk 'dirty' almost every minute of the day.. 24 7! the flirting2.. hadoii!! u cant imagine the pick up line! seriously, i witnessed the married staffs goin out, hand in hand in the mall. hmm.. then when i continued in uni again, same thing here too.. i bet ya, i guarantee ya there's fishy scandaling goin around! everywhere! :(

    i dont know wat to think about others but for me, ive been with my boyfren for 9 years now.. at first i used to be jealous almost ALL the time, then when two three years passed.. the trust was built.. before, even when he looked at other women i used to get so mad and jealous.. but now, there's an understanding.. there's trust.. be sure u devote enough time for each other, that once in a while suprise... for me la.. never one day passed without i saying 'I love you' seriously.. im that type. haha.. in marriage terms i cant comment.. its totally different rite?i hope when i get married, my marriage stays the same like when im in my boyfren-galfren relationship. i hope there's no need of a third person, i hope there's no need of scandaling, i hope everything will be alrite..

  5. Actually, it's easy to know if your husband is cheating on you. At least for me. It doesn't take a private investigator to prove that he's cheating. Well, at least for me. call it a woman's intuition. And women's intuition are usually right.

    But one to women should be kept in mind. Once you find out that your husband is cheating on you, don't jump on him and pluck his teeth off just yet. Handle the matter with care and screw the bitch in the picture first. Works for me, at least.

  6. Humph... I HATE cheating men. Eugene, I wrote something about cheating husband in my blog before. I hope you could pass it to your friend.

    But to be fair, the tips that I provide could be applied to women as well.

    Anyway, my husband loves to look at skimpily clad women all the time. I used to be jealous too, but then again, I turned a little bit lesbian after a coupled of times he did that. I ogled those women with him and said aloud that it would be terrific if I could squeeze those boobs to my heart's content, and he didn't dare to do it THAT often anymore. Moral of the story: If you cannot take it anymore, DO what your husband do, and do better than him. That will freak the shit out of him. Reverse psychology works better than just moping and feeling helpless.

  7. but there is nothing to be done to stop the their thoughts and hearts matter the most