Friday, December 12, 2008

A confused married man

Dear XXXX,

I married a girl 13 years younger than i am, together we have a 8 years old son (who is hyperactive by birth) i knew my wife while she was working for me in a pub. My life was really a bed of roses with bevy of beauties litterally at my expense, earning big bucks then. When i hit rock bottom, gone were the so called beauties and friends but she was still there for me, wanted to turn over a new leaf, forget the past and moved on with life. You might say, may be it was a marriage of convenience, she was there at the right time and i was in for a wrong time, so we got married. She was a simple girl for a small village not much educated, she endured the hardship with me and we rode the storm together therefore i am thankful for her steadfastness.

Fast foward to the present, i am doing all right now having good income, in a way she is enjoying the fruit of my success too as of now of which i believe she duly deserves it. She quit her job a couple months ago, and being a full time housewife she is, life differs a lot now.

She is fastidious and sometimes unreasonable. She would just trouble me with a tiny detail such as she would order me to wash away the bird dropping on the car which in my opinion she just could do it on her own. When she is asked for an opinion, she has none. When she ask me for an opinion, she would stick to the opposite ones.

I have tried talking and reasoning with her but always to no avail, sometimes i really question myself did i marry a correct girl that gone wrong or the wrong girl that never gone right. I am not happy so whenever i drink with my good and close friends, i would just blah out just to get the load off my chest.

Another problem with her is, she just doesnt know how to socialize with my friends. When in the company, i being the crown of attention and she would just sit there staring blank.

Dear xxxx, please tell me what should i do to change her or to change myself for i am really getting confused and madder each passing day.

Thank you

A 47 years old confused married man

To my blogger friend,

This is the story for a good friend of mine, may be you can share with me your two cents or three cents worth, your opinions , suggestions and thoughts so in return i can may be help him in a some ways possible.

P/S. Your suggestions and opinions will be much appreciated


  1. How about suggesting them to a marriage counselor?

  2. Marriage counselor wun work. Never allow any third party involve in advising for your marriage, because outsiders, no matter how professional they are, they do not know the real environment in one's marriage.

    Nothing should be change, actually.


    1. Accept your spouse's flaws and love your spouse unconditionally.


    2. Since the husband spoke about the wife with contempt and disdain and felt that he had settle for a burger patty because he couldn't have a steak, then by all means, be separated from her why is he still with her, since the love and passion is already dead?

  3. Go and read the book, "Difficult Conversation" and go thru the 3 conversations. Understand the situation, the emotions and the identity that this issue is bringing to him. If trully there is a need, have a good talk. The wife would have loads to talk as well.

    I bid them well. At least this man is willing to work it out and that is a good desire. Don't give up.

  4. does he still love her? from his rantings, it is like .. passions all gone.. now more like finding excuses why the marriage in the 1st place.. ask himself, still want marriage to work or not? if yes, make extra efforts...
    if answer is no, no matter what advice, he will not come to accept them..
    my 2 cents..

  5. I agree with Claire, indefinitely.

    Anyway, do you men have any idea how it's like to be a full time housewife when she's not used to that kind of life? One would turn bitter as she feels trapped and restricted! Could you seriously blame someone for changing drastically that way? Do put yourself in her shoes! how could the husband expect her to socialize with his peers when she's not their acquaintance in the first place and have no common topic with them? Things would probably be different if she's in her own circle of friends.

  6. thank you guys for your comments and special thanks to Cleff who feels so strongly about this post of mine, i have got some ideas about sharing your thought across to my friend

    appreciate, btw i can learn a thing or many from you guys as well

  7. Anyway, I still don't like the idea of separation. This should be the last , last , last resort!!!
    Well, they need to communicate openly.

  8. i agree with cleffairy, NEVER allow any third party involve in advising any marriage.

    claire has a good point too, make extra effort

    my ½ cent worth

  9. Stupid sucker, now I cannot go to sleep without coming back here3 to scold that asshole!

    To Mr. XXXXX!

    Hoi! Your wife married you and stood by your side all these while and support you until you're financially better, and now that you're doing fine, you think it's right for you to ditch her just because she could not cope well in her new housewife role? This world is full of ungrateful people, isn't it? So, now you're financially better, you think you deserve someone prettier, richer, younger and could be your bloody trophy wife, is it? *SNARL*

    Okay Eugene, now I'm done...til next time. LOL. Good nite and sweet dreams.

  10. i think the husband should have a nice talk with the wife instead of asking others what to do. communication is the key mahh.

  11. @Jen... the problem with some husbands is that they are the only one who do the talking. THEY DUN LISTEN. They whine and complain and blah blah about their disatisfaction, and they never listen to what their wife have to say.(omg, i'm practically flaring!)

    Paiseh ah, Eugene... I really feel strongly about this. This kins of topic very close to home...

  12. eugene, my humble opinion. maybe it's because of the huge gap in age....13 years apart can be an issue. like myself, rachel is 8 years apart from me...yeah she's just 24 and im 32. but i try to understand how a 24 year old lady would think, and act reasonably. i wouldnt want to say that im an expert on marriage, but i find that most marriages fall apart due to communication. and clef is right. no point going for counselling. they'll only advise you the same ol thingy. separation is always a no-no for me. especially if it involves children.