I am being truthful here, i know i am cool dad but somehow or rather i broke my pact that i had with my eldest that never to rod him again, yesterday i did just the opposite. I wept infront of my sons after the canning session when i saw the canning marks on hig legs but i knew i had to do it "you spare the rod,you kill the sons"
Yes i did lose my cool, and yes i was overwelmed by my emo and yes again i resorted to canning instead of talking which i personally propagated, but this time seriously and sternly i told him this would be last time that i would use the cane, i told him the reasons why i was very mad at him and why i even used the words "I am fucking mad at you " i stood my stand.
After the drama, as he was still weeping and my eyes were still moist,i looked at him and said " it has been so many years since i canned you and today papa lost the cool because you drove me to boiling point but if you are angry with me i can understand, and today will be the last time for canning because your are 12 now"
Every scene in everyday's life i humble myself to learning to be a better dad, i know that it is so very hard when emotion and rationale clashes, and for the children's sake adjustments have to be made.
I am thankful that my sons love me and i love them dearly too........
P/S " When emotion and rationale collide, we just have to do what is right.
u gotta do wat u gotta do.
ReplyDeletemy mom bashed me until i was 12 too i think..=/
ReplyDeleteit's ok la... im sure all kids including us, were caned by their parents before, just for their good sake. It's not that you are abusing them wat.Anyway, I still prefers the counseling part.
ReplyDeleteYou cane him? Ohh... well, sometimes, words just dun get to the kids, so I guess caning is all right. Just dun overdo it. My dad never caned me, but he used his belt to hit me...I think it was because I came home late from school...loitering around, I think. My dad was too pissed off to talk back then. I guess this kind of thing is normal.
ReplyDeletewe all have our limits too bro. sometimes, words are not just enough to drive home a point and sometimes our children keep toeing the line as if trying to push us to our limits. i remember posting something about this in my blog a few months ago. i just felt so bad after the caning and just like you, promised not to do it again. the important thing is that we learn our lessons from situations like this and hopefully, your boy too will learn something out of this. we gotta do what we gotta do man, the hard way or the easy way. visiting you here today bro. btw, i like the new picture on the title bar with your two boys. baldie! hehehe. joke only my friend
ReplyDeletefor me, canning is ok...but to a certain extent. i was bashed by my mom as well. but it is important to let them know the reason they are disciplined that way. scars will heal eventually, canning is a reminder not to do the same mistakes twice.....worked well for me. anyone tried having garlic, cloves and chili rubbed on your eyes before....i have :P
ReplyDeleteI was trashed right up to secondary school...but these days, things have changed. I used the 1-2-3 system with my daughter, caning came only when it reached 3...and she would usually stop at 2 but sometimes she might want to "test the water".
ReplyDeleteBut do not cane when angry...go away first and when you've calm down, call the boy(s) and explain what they did wrong and ask them whether they should be caned. Always apologise that you have to cane them and they must apologise too for misbehaving. It will happen again and again and again; after all, they're kids!
It's not the caning...but the loving that is important. Bond with them...and when they're good, praise them and even reward them by giving them a treat. (Not the same as..."if you behave, I'll bring u for icecream" - that's blackmail!) With love, lots of it, you can't go wrong!
Sibling rivalry will always arise. Never side the young one, always see who is right. Many parents make the mistake of always asking the older ones to give in to the younger ones...and the scars will remain even up till adulthood.
P.S.
Ooo...what lovely boys u have! I only have a daughter.
P.P.S.
Thanks for dropping by my blog.
P.P.P.S:
ReplyDeleteI taught in an all boys' school (from all kinds of home backgroud and a myriad of problems) and I find that by loving them and showing that you care, it worked much better than punishment. Gee! I'd better stop...LOL!!!
chill brother *peace*
ReplyDeleteDon't worry too much about it. Even I got canned when I was growing up esp when I was really naughty. And look how I turned out, lol. Sometimes you just got to do what you got to do to raise your kids well.
ReplyDeleteThat was a super duper x9 pain.But the first time my father hit me i feel like something is burning me.And then,here goes the disaster,he continously hit me about 10-20 times"i think more than that.PAP i am not complaining you,i just want to share my expresion.....
ReplyDeleteMy blog:www.famousedguy.blogspot.com