Wednesday, October 29, 2008

An old lady and her five children

She slogged hard throughout her life, at one point of her life, she married a wrong guy, she left him with a son. Not long after this, she met a nice man,(just migrated from Medan, Indonesia), but this man was already married from a arranged deal, so the lady was made a second wife. Her husband was doing well in the business,(back in the early sixties, not many could afford to own a car, but he did) but this lady never seemed to enjoy the fruit of his success, simply because she was the second wife.

After the second time collapse of his business, her husband was not doing well since. By this time this lady had to find ways and means to shoulder the responsibility of bringing up her children( 3 girls, two boys, one from the first marriage), she should be in her late thirties by then, situation had it so bad that, she had to make one decision that she never wished she should make, to go out and work, and to go out and work, she did. She got the job as a domestic helper in a Japanese expat home, and she was now called (ah mah, domestic helper).

She took bus to work, but she felt that it would be rush for her to rush home to cook for her family, so she tried cycling to work, again, she felt that her children would miss out on home-cooked meals, so she decided to learn to ride a motorbike, by now she was in her late forties.She managed to get a license to ride a bike, and her children would enjoy her home cooked meals.

Not many years later, her husband succumbed to heart disease, and this poor lady was barred from attending her own husband's funeral because she was the second wife, so her youngest son and the oldest daughter were there on her behalf, and i happened to be that yongest son.

I was sixteen then, i knew and i sensed my mom's misery but i just could find a way to console her. After the death of my father, my family was doing ok, because by then my eldest sister had come out to work, and she had managed to supplement the house hold's income, to this i am thankful to her.

As we are all grown up now, but i know my old mom is not a bit happy for the following reasons,
the children (5 of us ) are not close at all, and i guess even if she doesnt say it, i know this breaks her heart. My eldest sister is not talking to me because she thinks i am not supportive of her as far as her divorced is concerned, and my youngest sister can not care less about this and that, as for me i have tried to enhance the sibling bond but i failed.

The situation is aggravated, as one of them is trying to equate money with filliality, i am giving more and i am doing more, why cant this guy do the same, and what not. And like they say money has crippled another brother and sister hood bonding. My mom knows this well but i guess she is afraid to offend anyone of us.

I might not be the pefect fillial guy, and i know everyone of my siblings loves their mom too , but it is the equation of money and fidelity that's doing the harm. Just yesterday i had a discussion with my second sister, i told her in order not to deteriorate our siblings situation, and to be fair to those who giving more, i suggested to her from next month onwards, everyone of us would give the same amout of money to mom, irrespective how rich or how poor you are, but i know this wouldnt work because one of two of them cant even afford the amount i suggested, so i guess the problem persists.

P/S, money should never be used to equate filliality

PPS, and i love you mom, sorry if i had made you mad


  1. can i add something..??

    Moral of the story: make sure ur children luv and care of each other since they're they will bond to each other forever (hope so)

    but I guess, ur sisters and brothers still luv each other (including u). it's just ego laa kot rasanya...sbb tu masing-masing keras kepala...

  2. satu lagi... :)

    i luv to read about how hard ur mother struggle to raise her children with her own money...

  3. Bro, reading your story on filiality makes me think.

    I think you can only do the best you can afford. As long as you have done your best (and nothing less), it doesn't matter if it's RM 2 or RM 2 million.

    Alas, some monetary support would help, but do you really think our parents want our money?

    I totally agree, money does not equal filiality.

  4. all i can advise for you bro is to spend more quality time with your mum, even though your bros and sisters arent around. it is also time to gather all of them and to talk about things that matters most now....the love for your mum. money cannot buy love. ive always tried my very best to invest quality time with my family be it dinner or an outing. also as christians, we do pray together often. i still do believe there is room for bonding, even till death. and "aku" is also right to teach and establish a stronger bond for your own family. cheers and god bless....

  5. just do wat you deem best to your mother. dun compare what others do. u r right in not equating money with filiality but at the same time, dun question others.

    just undig the love among your bro n sis.

  6. just do wat you deem best to your mother. dun compare what others do. u r right in not equating money with filiality but at the same time, dun question others.

    just undig the love among your bro n sis.

  7. i really admire your mum, she's like a superwoman.

  8. Such a "wai Tai" mom u have. Treasure her & just do your part..we cant change or demand change from others. We can only influence them to change for the better.

  9. just do what is right bro. money is not the most important thing in this world. at this stage of your mom, making her feel better is the most important. people will forget what you have said... people will forget what you have done... but people will never forget how you made them feel. as to your siblings, just let them be for the moment. in GOD's perfect time, they will come around.

  10. yes, i agree with bongflo.. besides money, our mum need our presence, i can sense that in my mum too.. as for my mum, she doesnt want my money (cos she knows my situation) but she does appreciate my presence, like taking her out for bfast or dinner or just visit her in the house and chat, she will like that very much. Cos once we grow old, i guess we long for company... something to distract their minds and same time, make them feel wanted and needed too...

  11. True. Mom & Dad always said they don't need us to give them money if we can't afford. As long as we can eep some for our own future and seeing us all together makes them happy. Money shouldn't come in between sibling my dear friend. I've seen how it ruins family ties badly. Take care and give your mom more attention. Though in early stage, I kinda understand how she feels. Different situation but about the same at some point. :)

  12. hmmm always this way ... money become the problem .. i understand it very well ... it is always money which breaks the bond ... i could see lots of cases .. my close ones ... being like this .. but sometimes .. is really nothing much we could do .... hmm .. the story remind me bout the movie ... money not enough 2 ... touching story ...
    is actually how we find a balancing point on money n love ... love as in concern n b together ... not easy ... but at least ... when u reach to a point where everybody can accept .. then the problem should actually minimize ... all the best .. n hope u n ur siblings could b bond strong forever...