So someone waved at me in a crowded coffee shop last Sunday evening,I sauntered over,then he pointed at another person for me to take notice of and that someone was his brother and then said something to him.
He said,"Teik Leong (that's my Chinese name),see who is here?"As I looked down,there was my very old friend of 40 years, knew him since we were 7 years old and now we are both 47,Ooi Kok Leong my very old friend.
There is a story to be told of this friend of mine, you see this Kok Leong got married at the age of 16,(now he has two grandsons,divorced many years ago,current marital status not known and he has been a drug user since that age of 16, right until now.
I remember two occasions,one being for a time he came up to see me at my house,giving me the excuse that his dad was dying in the hospital and he needed some money to pay the bill,I knew he was lying,cos I saw his dad before he came to see me,(we were from the same kampung)
The other one being,I was looking for a car park,there was a man,shabbily dressed,directing me to the parking lot and it was Kok Leong,he asked RM1 from me and both occasions,I rejected him.
So I was with him briefly that evening,seated next to Kok Leong was his sister and as soon as his sister knew that I was Kok Leong's old friend of 40 years,she quickly asked me for a favor, then she said," Please help me to talk to him lah,so old already,still not listening"
I lowered myself to talk to Kok Leong,I said,"brother,we are already 47,assuming we die at age 60,let us live a good life?" He looked at me sheepishly," I know it takes a lot of determination but I just don't have that" ditto.
I don't blame him for saying that,it is so true what Kok Leong said,"determination,I just don't have that" I am sure he had gone through so many dark chapters of his life,he had been scorned,he had been humiliated,made fun of and even to the extend of trading his self worth for that little thing called "cocain or crack" and one thing for so many years,one thing always eluded him,that's DETERMINATION.
Sometimes,I feel like him too,when determination just eluded me,when I just succumbed to the craves of my flesh,when I cried out before the Lord,"why am I doing it again?"
P/S : I guess,there sure to be some reasons strong enough for us to feel determined