Tuesday, April 17, 2012

I felt sad when I read this

今天没上学,因为不舒服
但我妈讲我逃课天天出去到晚
那她有没有想过我为么不留在家?
全世界的爸妈啊
请你们学用另一个角度来看我们好吗?
I stumbled upon the above message pasted on FB by one of Jovial's ex school mates, if you don't read Mandarin,loosely translated in English as such," Today I skipped school, because not feeling well but my mom said I always play truant and that I go out till late at night. I wonder if my mom really knows the reasons why I don't want to stay at home... To all the fathers and mothers, I beg you guys to look at "us" from different angles"

After reading his message,I chatted with him on FB, asking him had he ever tried to talk to his mom about how he felt, he said he dared not cos he said before he could open his mouth and speak, he had already courted her wrath.

I know this boy personally, in fact he had been to my house on one or two occasions and his dad happened to be my ex classmate as well, he used to kind of good in his primarily years but the last I heard,when he went into secondary forms, he changed and the latest news I gathered was that this boy was expelled from Jovial school on the ground that he was involved in triad society and said to have collected "protection money' from his fellow school mates.

Why a drastic change in this 15 years old boy? I am sure that his parents want the best for him too, wanting him to excel in his studies too and so on and so forth but the reality is if the parents' intentions are good then something must be wrong some where right?

I am a father to a 15 years old boy too and I can attest that dealing with a teen is never easy, I pray a lot (seriously a lot) for Jovial, I have encountered many unpleasant "crashes" with him but along the way, I have learned to deal with him and till today I can safely say that by the grace of God, we are getting on well and fine.

I have learned

1) To see things from his points of views
2) To respect his points of views (I respect but that does not mean I agree, if I do disagree I would tell him )
3)To be open to him and to allow him to make mistakes and teach him to learn from them along the way
4) I will never substitute "my love" with material gratification, I would buy "good stuffs " for him and that's only when the needs arise
5) I would make sure that I spend enough time with him, we talk and talk
6) I would allow him to tell me my flaws and shortcomings
7) I will always love him

Seriously, I know we are all good parents and parenting does not have to be that hard and heart wrenching, it is I think about how we put ourselves in their shoes kind of things and with loads of prayers and I am sure all of us will succeed.

P/S : Give them more pats, instead of I Pad



25 comments:

  1. I like your statement - " Give them more pats, instead of I Pad". And it is very nice of you to talk to that boy.

    Lots of parents talk about quality time (plus material rewards), actually quantity time is as important too. The more time we spend with our kids, the more we can understand their needs and problems.

    Oh ya, last sunday our whole family went to watch Jack Neo's "小孩不壞“ (We not naughty). It is a good and educational movie, I recommend teenagers and parents to watch it.

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    1. Thank you for sharing,I totally agree with you cos the more time we spend with our children the more we know them, sometimes we have to show them our weaknesses too,,

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  2. What happened to this boy? Why he does not like to stay at home???

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  3. When I was at that age, my friends also landed into similar hot soups and some were expelled or suspended too. I could remember that they had very difficult family backgrounds like financial and upbringing without love. You are done perfectly well by talking and sharing with your son everything. I wished my dad was closer to me like this too but I am not complaining as my parents had given me so much time, education, love and happiness!

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  4. maybe you could extend a hand to this boy

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  5. yes, like Small Kucing, maybe you could talk to his parents instead??? The parents may not want to listen to the boy, but you as a parent yourself, they would listen?? You said this boy is good and he change when he goes to Secondary school. There must be something that change him there. At the end of the day, parents understanding and supports are very important to him. Hope he would turn out alright.

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  6. teens always feel that the parents dont understand them. but if you talk to their parents, will they be 'good' in front of you but scold the poor boy after that? it's not an easy decision though, good luck :)

    Latest: World Best Sandwich 2012

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  7. I deal with children and teenagers service in my parish and I do understand this boy. Some parents did not lend their ears to listen what they need, instead scolded them. Feel pity to this boy. Parents should played a roles not just as a parent but also as best friend to them. Remember..what you taught them is what they'll become. Good post!!

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  8. I agree 100% with your P.S. Parents do not realise that they are actually doing more harm than good...and those smartphones as well. They do not need all that - definitely not at school level.

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  9. Communication gap between the young and the parents... we have gone through adolescent age before.. so we should understand how the young feel too.. more or less...

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    1. I agree, we were young once, may be even rebel,therefore I should and must i understand as well

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  10. Heard this from a radio recently, a parent who has a busy and hectic life try his best way to communicate with his little one. The boy will write down his thought, his feeling, his happiness and sadness in a paper and put next to his bed. At night the parent will read it, replied on it. The next day, the 1st thing the boy do is read those comments on the paper. Everyone is busy but just a little afford we still can communicate well with our children.

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  11. Bro, believe me when I say this that I fear the years when my kids enter teenage hood. Both hubby and I have a lot to learn, and Vic is not the type who talk and share about her school and feelings, even when probe. That's the scary part.

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    1. It takes time Irene,it takes time but it must also take a lot of love,don't push things your way,something have to flow with her too ya,,,,,,,,,,remember don't push,,, if you push,she is getting further away,

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  12. I'm also worried when Jayden grows up... will they confide in me? I really hope so!!!!

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    1. Don't worry Kristie, Jayden will grow up fine,do remember you can be his friend but must always let him know that you are his mother too,therefore respect is there for him to show as well.. take care now ya

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  13. now in these modern days ....
    they want pad and also Ipad...

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    1. What pad were you saying bro,what pad? let me know in details ya? hahhahahah

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  14. Wow a 15 year old saying all that stuff... I wonder what's really going on in their house. Cannot imagine.

    Happy Wednesday, Mr Eugene.

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    1. Same to you bro, and guess what,they say the world has changed and indeed it has........

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  15. It is tough to be a parent now, it is also tough to be a child now. But, we can't judge the scenario by just listening to one side. Everytime, if anything happened to a kid, sure the parents are the first to be blamed. Sometimes, i think the kid has to be responsible to their own behavior too.

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    1. I really think you are right,good characters are more valuable than excellent qualification

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  16. When I was a small boy, I am trying my best to attend the school without any sick and Form 4 I got a certificate that stated "Perfect Attendance on year 200X"

    that was just a reward.

    Skip School is a no for me when I was teen, even thou I get no good result or what.

    I dun feel like making teacher call my parent and tell them "Hello Mr. Koh, Your son skip school and dunno go where" lol

    This is just part of the life even thou kids skip school and complain much in some part of the moment. When they grow up, they would realize what they done in previous years was wrong.

    I see many people skip class when I was at my teen age time.

    Now they seems to be very successful in their career and very enjoy their life.

    What do I get for perfect attendance? I am just another graphic designer which is not so punctual lol :P Peace out bro!

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    1. remember, this is just a progress about growing up boy. Just try to cheer it up and make him more happy for next everyday. If you could.

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