Thursday, November 25, 2010

Can we talk?

A friend once asked me, has money ever put a strain on my marriage? Vehemently i said no, money has never put any strain on my marriage, by saying that i did not discount the fact it has never been a problem but it just that it has never rocked my marriage.

Money has always been delicate and threatening issue as far as marriage is concerned, i remembered one lady friend used to lament this to me," I ask him (the husband), you got money to pay house installment or not? he said no worry no worry but then again few weeks down the road, the bank kept calling me and he never understands the stress i am going through"

It always puzzles me, how married couples cannot be open enough to talk about money, is it the man's ego that deters him to open up to his wife that he is no good in handling money and he needs help or may be the woman's inability to get the man talking?

Wouldn't it be sad when we hear someone says this, " I can't trust my wife or my husband with money" what's left in a marriage when this occurs, just wonder?

I have heard these comments far so many times," No money already, some more can go out and drink with his friends" " his family got problem, no need to ask my opinion, just help, when my family got problem, he says how many times we helped them already"

I felt sad when i heard from my Christian friend how money has begun to crack up on her marriage and her husband was not willing to talk about it..........

P/S : We are not Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie, therefore nothing is at stake if we talk about it..


  1. SO far no problem for me because I let my wife be my accountant. :p

  2. I let my missus spend all that she earns ...I pay all the bills and give her some housekeeping money for marketing and general expenses.

    But she's going to retire next year and the way she spends, I do not think her pension will be enough for her. Keep telling her to learn how to save and not spend wastefully or unnecessarily but it all falls on deaf ears... Well, hopefully, when the time comes, she will learn...

  3. I agree that money is the biggest controversial topics in a relationship, be it siblings, husband and wife, parents and kids, and friends. Open discussion and mutual respect may help in resolving money matter, I hope so.

  4. Certain ppl feel that it's a taboo to talk about $ in a relationship. This issue hardly arise in my family. My hubb is a better planner, I guess.

  5. money is not a problem for me..i get to use my own and got household money fr my husband.

  6. I dont have this problem.. i spend all i like without any nagging from anyone! :p

  7. HeLLo Eugene,

    Thanks for dropping by my blog. It's been a while since i have not heard from you.

    What a coincidence topic "MONEY". Most male would not want to talk about it as it is related to "ego" as you said. I myself usually do not wish to open up on the topic "Money" with my wife as I do not want to bother her with money issue.

    However, I am quite open to my wife on property and insurance as I do not know when will be the time for God to call me home. I listed out all the properties and insurance for her so that she will know what to do when the time comes.

    On the other hand, savings are all important. Whenever we have extra money, saving is always better than spending right? Having a lack of money can really shake a marriage. I believe we both have encountered people who got divorced due to monetary issue.

    So bro. there was a saying i read in my friend's office a few years back that goes like this:


    Hahahaha! What do you think bro?

  8. i have no issue with money .. william holds all the money and all i need to do is ask if i need some :D

  9. Couple must trust each other and be open about problems. Normally there are other elements that add to the money problem.

  10. "I felt sad when i heard from my Christian friend how money has begun to crack up on her marriage and her husband was not willing to talk about it..." - Eugene.

    Why is her husband not willing to talk about it? It is because they have not settled the money issue at the onset of their marriage?

    Here are my 2 cents worth: Settle the money issue practically once and for all at the beginning of the marriage, if possible before getting married (when courting time - that's where marriage counseling helps.) Ideal motto is "All I have and all you have is for the FAMILY." In marriage, the focus is on the family. In America, 60% of divorce is directly and indirectly caused by "money problem" mainly because of the "lack" of it rather than the abundance of it. Many may not readily admit it here that money is and will be an important issue and hence, IS THE CAUSE of conflict if it is not settled early in marriage. Maybe you have not faced a "financial crisis" before. Like for example, when you lose your job and you cannot find one; or your business had to close down because of losses; or a loved one is old or sick and you are unable to pay for their medical bills; or your children need to go for further education and you don't have the money to provide for them. You're unable to make ends meet (not bec. of vices - if bec. of vices, serve you right!) When this happen, will money be a strain to a family or will it not? Or is it as long as it is "enough" it will not be a problem? But how much is "enough"..."enough"? Money is a problem when a husband and/or wife love it more than each other! Problems in marriage are and can be worked out but I think it is when a husband and a wife insist in keeping a separate, individual (me, I and myself), a private account instead of "throwing it all in" into one joint "family" account (in every sense of the word) independence ("I can do what I like with mine money..."), selfishness ("It's mine money...") and strive ("You are not contributing enough!") soon will threaten to destroy it. This is the beginning of a marriage break-down. I knew of a married couple who are staying in the same house but lead totally separate lives. Money was the main issue. Now, can you call that a happy marriage?

  11. Husbands pay bills and expenses. Wives spend what oneself earn. If the wife not working, husband gives her allowance.

    Its actually very simple, but a lot of couples tend to argue who's should be in charge of money.

  12. not easy...The wife will usually said how much she saved up and never anyhow spent money like the hubby and indirectly demand more - for the family and not for her. Very tough!! :P

  13. To me , most people just spent too much on junks. I can never understand why one would spend $ on fake branded goods from fake designer furniture to fake branded shoe.
    And all those tacky souped up Proton that wanna be Porsher or WRX. All those money spent are all to show what a stupid and ignoramus the person is.

  14. Thank you guys for sharing your thoutghts

  15. oops,thank you Matrix for your lost comment,you must have got strong feeling about this issue and it is so pertinent..

    thanks and god bless ya

  16. I missed out on you Kuching guy, wanted to hop over to your blog but sadly you did not leave your url...

    may be next time ya