Thursday, February 04, 2010

Seized by longest post

Ok, please excuse me i am not being religious here nor am i suddenly turning into some kind of clergy, it is only something that's deep inside of me that i really want to share with you, it is my own personal relationship with the MAN above.

I can still remember when i was 9 years old, there was this Sunday school within walking distance from my house, i just could not remember how i did it but somehow,one day i started walking towards that Sunday church all by myself and i moved in with all the other children and started singing those christian songs, " Jesus loves me yes i know" and etc.............and i remember someone asked me did i want God into my life, happily i said yes.

I didn't know by then that i was a Christian already,albiet no baptism yet. As time went by, somehow my relationship with HIMwas like "now you see it now you dont " When i was in my secondary, right untill my pre-u, there was one society that i would sure join, there was Christian society, and i loved every minute of it.

Time had it, i came out to work, i was suddenly pulled into the the wilderness of so called life, party, puffing , girlfriends and all the activities that i thought were fun. My first taste of sex came about, loved it, enjoyed it and no stopping it, didn't know what was wrong or what was right, just knew that i should not be wasting my precious time not to enjoy "LIFE".

Double dated, triple dated and i thought it was exciting, my life was a mess but i didn't realize it was, one day when i hit the bottom, there HE was sending someone along my way, giving me a pat on my back and asking me to go back to church,that someone was my ex collegue Christin, went back to church i did.

Turning over a new leaf, getting involved in church activity, even went for missionary trips, at this juncture, i really lived a life of Christ like, gave up smoking and philandering.People around me were taken aback,even my mother giving me an ultimatum of disowning me should i continue my Christ like path.

Soon enough i back slided, tossed back into wilderness and again i enjoyed every minute of it still, not long after, the darkest moments of my life, the guilt and the sins that i once committed suddenly surfaced up in my life, and through out this period of my life, i dipped into depression, had to be dependant on tranquiliser to calm me down. Trying to look for GOD, but sadly he could not be found.

I remember i had this doctor that i went to wheneve i had this panic attack resulting from depression to ask the doc to dispense me tranquiliser untill one day he told me that could not do that anymore, and i felt as if i was going insane and straight to hell.

This period marked the most tormenting phase of my life, i got no where to run, my career was jeopardised and my life was topsy turvy but still GOD was not there for me, i hated HIM and i departed from HIM.

Without me realizing it, GOD was never far from me, again HE sent someone to me in the form of another dear brother Lawrence and the rest of his family, again i got back to church and began to teach in the chidren church, i've always loved children,and i really enjoyed every minute of it.

I fell in love with my first church sweet heart Imelda, but sadly my mother was against it, for she was not the race as i am. Somehow, God had a plan for me, i guess i met my wife who is not of the same faith as i am, and suddenly i had the feeling that i was sidelined by the church, and again i fell off.

I totally stopped going to church, for the devil told me that i was not welcome into the church,(that was the impression i had), down and up, up and down. throughout these years, i longed for HIM, needing HIM but i was too obstinate to go close to HIM, for i thought HE did me wrong.

As my longing for HIM grew stronger of late, suddenly someone found me on FaceBook, she was none other than my church sweet heart Imelda after all these years, she encourages me and supporting me with her lovely messages, and now i am beginning to feel the joy again.

I know God is beginning to do his works in me, he even sent one good friend Heok Hooi to talk to me, who was willing to spend his time with me, making me feel comfortable about meeting up,(i have always have this fear of christian friends pressuring me into going back to church.hahahah) but Heok Hooi is different, i bet he is.

I am happier now, but there is just one thing that i had to do, after all these years i had learnt.......................God can only help those who are willng to submit.

One thing for sure, i'd learnt, God had already seized me from the moment i invited HIM into my life.

If you are going through some terrible times at the present moment, please seek HIM out,he shall never fail you, trust me, i have been there.

Thanks to all those who were sent by HIM, for the hundred times i fall, HE will still be there to pick me up on the eleventh.

Dont know why i had this sudden urge of sharing since last night.

P/S : God is not super, HE is just lovable


  1. It's a phase, bro. There will come a time in our life where things get difficult and we'll feel that He had abandoned us. I've been into that phase. And I am lucky that He still loves me, and sent pointers all the way, in many forms. :-D It is just too bad my husband does not see it that way and couldn't find inner peace.

  2. My dearest Eugene,
    Whatever you are going through,
    we have gone through them, one time or another.GOD KNOWS BEST.
    I ,wholeheartedly believe in this.
    I wholeheartedly know that whatever I am today and how I got here today, all the good things come from God.
    All shortcomings from me and myself.

    If you are not feeling well, please look into it.
    Have faith in HIM to confront it.
    You still have your lovely wife
    and kids and all of us ,right?



  3. The prodigal son or the Lost Sheep.. we r them once-upon-a-time. Me also like u .. backslided and come back again.. whatever we did before, we are still His children..
    Loving God is believing..
    When u believe, u see God..

  4. when all hope is lost, there is HIM. not baptisted christian neither a regular church goer but i read somewhere that as long as you have HIM in your heart it's counted also.

  5. Girl from DownunderFebruary 4, 2010 at 3:32 PM

    "...Can a mother forget her nursing child? Can she feel no love for the child she has borne? But even if that were possible, I would not forget you! See, I have written your name on the palms of my hands.." ~Isaiah 49:15-16

  6. They say God is always in out heart. I really believe this. Although sometimes...He cannot answer all our prayers, I still believe He has a reason for everything he did.

  7. Eugene, I will be waiting for you :)

  8. claire said it well - we are all prodigal sons/daughters at onee time or other, but the Father always waits for our return.

    welcome home, bro!