A true life's account that i just got to know of a lady friend of mine, i was so surprised when i heard it from another friend,then as a good friend, i confirmed with her,and she admitted........
They both work in banking sector,albeit different branches,the husband is the bank officer in a bigger branch,and he is required to sometimes go back to work on saturday and sunday, incidentally there is another female staff of his coincidentally always gets assigned on same dates with him.
Rumor started flying around, my lady friend heard about it, didn't seek clarification from her hubby, but when the rumor went a little berserk, my lady friend could not contain her suspicion anymore,then seeking clarification.
Just one statement from the husband, " if you trust me, dont ask this nonsense" and he furnished her with no explaination or any form of assurance. Slowly, they plunged into "cold-war" ,with her suspicion hanging above her and his non-chalant attitude that eventually aggravated the situation.
She asked for a hiatus of separation, he conceded and it has been a year and a half now. Many of their friends have talked to them about it, both refused to concede. One side says why should i clarify when there is no merit to, the other side says, please assure me of my suspicion.
Now she told me, she was considering a divorce for she said she didnt like to be in this situation anymore, but the fact remains the truth, funnily there is nothing fishy about her hubby with the said lady, but she said it was kind of too late already.
Q)Why cant a lady trust the man when she is asked to?
Q)Why cant the man assure the woman that there is no call for worries?
Q)Why cant they reconcile when there is really nothing happened?
For the first time, i dont understand............
Damn the rumor mongers.
P/S : Beyond physical and biological, there is emotional, make it all SPOKEN please................
rumors kill, arghh hate it. perhaps he admits since he doesn't bother to explain, sigh.
ReplyDeleteyes.. rumours are really terrible and hurt people the most. Anyway, both husband and wife should really communicate more so that misunderstanding will fade.. that's the problem nowadays, lack of communications. Sad..
ReplyDeletePerhaps there's no LOVE between them? It's hard to say when it's about relationship. Mutual feelings is important I think.
ReplyDeleteIf they truly LOVE AND RESPECT each other, they will NEVER allow this to happen. I endured so much from "reliable rumors" just to keep trusting ex but again, no point for me to fight for a marriage that is not meant to be,right? However, I am just not the suspicious type. Sad but again, GOD KNOWS BEST.
ReplyDeletesad to hear this...perhaps the separation had already fades everything.... =(
ReplyDeletesometimes, its their ego.
obviously this couple does not communicate well, that leads to mistrust. The rumours is just secondary cause, the real cause of separation is both of their attitudes towards their marriage.
ReplyDelete*sigh* This entry depressed me. I was placed in the exact same situation. Except i went to the source, and demand the fucking truth out of it. From the one who spread rumours, and the 'OBJECT' of rumours. Things got ugly, and took pretty ugly cuz I felt my sacrifices were not worth it. Whatever had been broken took very long to be mended. I can answer your questions as a wife, and a woman, bro...
ReplyDeleteQ)Why cant a lady trust the man when she is asked to?
Because when a man asked his wife to trust him, he did not make her feel secure by providing answers to his questions. Instead, he gave her more reasons to distrust him with his fucking behaviour.
Q)Why cant the man assure the woman that there is no call for worries?
Because the man took things for granted, and his ego is too big to assure his wife. He's arrogant enough to think that his wife will meekly wait for him to return to her every goddamn day, no matter what he did outside. EGO is the keyword. Little did he know that the wife got pretty fed up with him already, and when things gets cold between them, it is just so easy for the wife to talk away.
Q)Why cant they reconcile when there is really nothing happened?
Because it simply hurt too much to continue on after seeing the man's unappreciative attitude. Woman just want to be assured, loved and secure. Woman wants words from her man, and if he cannot appreciate her, assure her, make her feel loved and secured, why bother reconcile? If there's no children involved, it's better to cut the mental damage and loss by moving on.
Does my answer make any sense, big bro?
Q1) Coz there is a saying that goes "no wind, no waves". Woman is a suspicious creature.
ReplyDeleteQ2) Coz of pride and over confident
Q3) Coz time is the worse devil. The longer the thing dragged, the harder to turn back.
i'm in this situation before. sometimes we-Women dont know what the man think. the so-called husband decided to stay separate with me for xxx years. yet in the xxx years, he was with nobody. a guy dont need sex? everyone thought? very suspicious? now that we r officially separated, he said all these years he stayed away because he was regretful. no face to come back!!!
ReplyDeleteWhat is the husband talking about? No merits? What about making his wife feel secured, assured?
ReplyDeleteLove is build on trust, but trust is earned, not given!
So geram with this kind of attitude!
The culprits are those folks who spread the rumours. They don't know the whole story and start telling it for dunno-what.
ReplyDeletewah.. @ cleffairy!!
ReplyDeletebut rumors really kill ppl!
Women will always have a hard time in trusting man because they are emotional driven and because of some facts about how men are not trustworthy. In the end women give in to the social perspective about men and jeopardize the relationship. Men on the other hand is driven by logic if I said no then it means no and I expect you (women) to understand it like how I understand it, which will not work to women because they are EMOTIONAL DRIVEN. Women needed to be assure emotionally, which sometimes is a very hard thing for man to do. In situation like this a cold war is not going to help in anyways. Its best to sit down and to have a one on one talk with a third party involved (a close friend, religious leader or etc). They need to identify the main problem and talk about it there. Role play is best use in this situation where the men gets to be the girl and vice versa, to help understand each situation. I'm no certified psychologist but I do hope it helps in a way =)
ReplyDeletei think deep down there was already something else brewing and what happened just sort of ignited a chain reaction, it is a pity they dont patch up.
ReplyDelete@ Donna... actually i agree with Manglish. There must be something else brewing, it's not just the rumours that kills a relationship. Like... lack of empathy and affection. What happened between them just makes things more worst for them. And can you see the similarity on what smallkucing and I said? You see... women just want to be assured. You will understand this when you got married. You will want to feel secure!
ReplyDeleteMen are just too ego to assure women! If men tackle the matter delicately... say, play a bit of a sweetheart in front of the wife... i doubt that the wife will go absolutely berserk even if he really have an affair. At least the wife will know that the husband still loves her!
of course the man won't admit it even if it's true..
ReplyDeleteSigh scary topics.. hehhehe.. but that number 1 questions.. is a lil bit of women weaknesses I would say.. Hard to predict.. ^_^..
ReplyDeletequestions no.2... ego?? ;-p
We just wish that everything goes simple.. but thats was life..
Just wish n pray that our relationship will be ok..^_^
Maybe it's the fear that there's the off-chance of truth in rumours. I've faced situations like these, certainly not as a married couple, but in relationships I've realized that knowing when to let go (be it suspicion, anger, fear) is really important.
ReplyDeleteAs cliche as it sounds, if it comes back to you, it's meant to be, if it doesn't, life still goes on. Too much time, effort and emotion is wasted in suspicion.
all three are needed..yea sure it'd be great if i were to be listed at your bloglist..thanks
ReplyDeleteA smile from SJ =)
really bad...they should've talked.
ReplyDelete