Wednesday, November 18, 2009

He aint heavy......he's my brother.

I really wish i could ask my eldest son Jovial to sing and repeat this line." he aint heavy, he's my brother" untill he realizes that he really has only one brother in the whole wide world.

Sometimes i really lose my cool at him, when he is trying to be funny with his lil brother, (Marvell). I know you might say it is kind of small time sibling quarrel but i am afraid that the feeling would turn out to be sour from his lil one against him and versa versus, because now if you were to ask the lil one if he likes his older brother,meekly he will say no, and that breaks my heart.

Personally speaking, i dont enjoy good sibling bond with my brother and sisters, it is not that we are not on speaking term or anything like that but we are just not close as siblings should be, and this is one of my regrets, i have tried to foster a better sibling bond, i have failed thus far, so it always bothers me when i see that my Jovial and my Marvell alwasys fight, albiet not pyshically.
I dont want to be a father who raises a set of warring brothers,(not that serious lah) but i want to instill in them since small about brotherhood.

Q) Please share with me, what should i do or share with me your experience, ya?

P/S : Please teach me and i am learning


  1. It's certainly not easy. Like me and my only brother, we grew up close, but sibling rivalry and a couple of major arguments later, we hardly keep in touch, just once in a blue moon.

    There is not much I think one can do but to let nature take its course. Having said that I'm sure there are ways to encourage brotherhood, but I don't have the experience in this area at all.

    PS, I like your son's name, Jovial...Bon Jovi... :-)

  2. Me and my brother keep in touch every day although we are hundred of miles apart. :)

  3. i was getting along with my brother too until both of us were out of the house. i cant say that i am the kind of brother who talks to my brother on a daily basis, but i think he knows i am always there...we hardly fight then or i think Jovial and Marvell will be fine in the future....ohh maybe a sister will help too...i got one hahah *hint* hint* hahahaha

  4. correction...i wasnt getting along...

  5. I don't think I am qualified to give any advice here, but I am closer to some of my brothers and sisters than others.

    Each of us has different personality and sometimes we clash. But the most important thing is we always try to think of the good side and not focus on their "bad" sides.

    If you have tried to be closer to your brothers and sisters but failed, don't worry too much. At least you have tried, and just leave it at that. You can't force people to be close to you.

    The same goes with your sons. You can't force them to be close to each other. Besides, things will change when they grow up. Just let things flow naturally : )

  6. yah .... is heart break when we see sibling fight .... btw, my eldest also not "sayang" his lil brother , the lil brother only 3 months ... :(
    No matter how we teach him to love and protect the lil one .. he still ignore ... i hope by the time pass by, the both can love each other well like a best frens ...
    BTW .... my relationship with my bro & sis also not very good .... hmmm... true.... something to regret !!

  7. I have a brother 3 years younger, and when we were kids, we fought like cats and dogs. I especially hated him because my parents favoured him more (with their typical Chinese way of placing a BOY on a pedestal).

    I think that for as long as either child can sense favouritism on the part of the parents, there will be sibling rivalry. So, you and your wife have to make sure that you display affection to both equally. Don't ask the elder to give in simply because he's older. If the younger one is at fault, punish him too.

    Of course when they are adults, this will not be an issue because they'll be living their own lives, and by then whether they can remain close to each other depends on them, and how they feel about each other. There's nothing you can do about this.

  8. bergaduh antara adik beradik adalah perkara yang biasa, seperti sy dengan adik beradik juga, cuma kena berbincang baik2 supaya hal yg kecil tak kan menjadi besar

  9. you reminded me the days I had with my brother. Of course being the eldest, I am always 'queen' of the house, and I have been one for 4 years before my brother arrive.

    Furthermore, we really fight (till blood flow) and stuff... but today, we are best buddy when come to family matters.. I think it's common for siblings to fight.

    Maybe those days, my parents don't really involved themselves when we fight.. they will only come talk to us, when we finish fighting and each went into our own room and sleep... :p

  10. Gallivanter!!! Haha me and my only brother are close. it didnt came easy. I was jealous of him when we were young. we fought, i bully, and one time my dad cant take it anymore and he said:

    "if you both keep fighting with each other and hate each other, what would happened when mom n dad r gone? he is your only brother and so are you."

    well it doesnt make a lot sense to me back then, not until i was old enough to understand the value of family. Now, i love my brother a lot... i could give up everything for him... i will never forget the day i confess how much i care for him in front of all my friends, i teared and we hug... i will never forget that and i dont think he could forget that too. now, we are both good friends! :D

  11. I don't think there is a way to instill the love of siblings into them. It is up to them to understand and when they grow up they will learn.

    I always argue with my siblings too when I was young, of course grew out of it eventually.

    You can always tell him that, he needs to protect his younger brother... make the younger brother look up to him instead of making the younger brother dislike him.

    Does your older son feel a threat that he no longer gain as much love from his parents since the younger brother is born? some children are like that, so they always pick on the younger one.

  12. My brother, the child before me, is 7 yrs older. Still, we fight coz he's always annoying me till no end and calling me names. You know what my father did when we fought ?
    "Nah !.. I give both of you a knife. See who kill who first !!"
    We immediately stopped fighting and run to hide. lol !

  13. I can't agree more with Jomel. She said everything I wanted to say. :)

  14. Don't worry Eugene, for it will change. My sister and I used to HATE each other to the point where I would never want to be seen with her whenever I went. But now she's my best-est friend and I don't think I could never ask for a better sister. Nature has a funny way with family matter. Hopefully, your boys will be closer when they're older. X

  15. I know it is quite sad to say that this thing is not only happened in your family. In my family all my nephews and nieces also like that too. Even with their own siblings, they will argue and hate each others. Sometimes i just can't bear with their screaming and fighting.... and very sad thing is their parents also give up don't know how to teach them. But normally what my second sister in law will do is if they are arguing/fighting then she will just go and punish them no matter who is right and who is wrong.... She said last time her parents did the same things to her so all her siblings not dare to fight or arguing. But anyway don't worry too much because they are still quite small a lot of things will change in the future.

  16. When I was young, I always get fights with my siblings, esp my brothers. We were very close by then. Now as were all grew up and have families, the bond seems became apart.

    Let them fight, let them appreciate and get on each other nervers while they can.

  17. let them enjoy what they like most..

  18. eugene.. sigh... my sisters and i... sigh.. i dunno wat happen, but we just drifted apart as we grow. sigh.. wish things will be better, but.. sigh. this post makes me sigh a lot lah eugene.. sigh...

  19. Not to worry, bro... they have only each other and your family is a loving one.. so chances of rivalry later on is almost nil..
    now they are still young.. not matang yet.. later on, they will stick to each other like peas when they r in their teens...
    my 2 sons are 3 years apart..they are good terms with each other.. so age is not a factor too...

  20. hmm..i gotta learn from u kids are still young.

  21. Yozzz... don't be too hard on the boys, Eugene. Siblings quarrel is normal wan la! LOL...I don't have any brothers, but I do have a sister. An only sister. She's 7 years younger than me, and back then, I wish I could kick her butt out of the house so that I could have my parent's affection all to myself. But things changed as we grew up and the age barrier started to disappear. I missed her badly when I go off to college then got married.
    Back then, I may not get along well with my kid sister, but now, she's the first person I'll call when I need someone to listen to me when I have problems. She'll be the first person whom I'll call and cry to, and she'll be the person who will comfort me.

    So, Eugene, dun worry. I bet your kids will be just the same. it's just the process of growing up.

  22. Ha... I don't have very good relationship with my bro too. We don't fight now. But we are not close. As for my kids... I'm also trying my best to get them closer as I intend to have 2 kids only.