Friday, September 18, 2009

Conjugal woes...the story of my 3 friends.

Story No 1,

She suspected her husband was doing something nasty behind her back, and the culprit was his colleague, and the funny thing is three of them are working in the same office, the wife(my friend), the husband and the suspect. Her woe is, she is seeing the both of them day in and day out, the rumour is rife that other colleagues have seen them at night together,(both of them are in the sales), my friend is in the account.

She asked me, what would i do if i were to be in her shoes? to confront him/to confront her or let the rumour die a nature death and live on as if nothing has happened and pray that the rumour remains just rumour.

Story No 2,

He is a nice man, married to a nice wife, two children. His woe is, the wife keeps asking him to do more for her family in many things, for an example, he even has to support his wife's brother who is in his 30s and not working, of which he feels that it is not fair at all for him to do that but his wife claims that he is part of her family, her family's problems are his too.

He asked me, what would i do if i were him? to continue supporting his wife's brother financially which he can afford, but feeling angry doing it or stop supporting him thus courting the wrath from his wife.

Story No 3,

She lamented that her husband is so obstinate that he refuses her to come out to work at night to supplement the household income, when currently his husband is doing bad in his business and most of the times, she has to ask for financial help from her siblings. Together,they have four children, and it is tough going for them, and she does not have any skills to qualify for a decent 9 to 5 jobs, she admitted. His debt is mounting now, and she really wanted to help.

She wanted to come out to do a part time as a beer promoter of which she could get about 40 to 50 a night not counting tipping and her woe is, her husband is ashamed of her choice of part time job, which she reasoned because it might affect his reputation.

She asked me what would i do,knowing of her current dilemma and the situation is not getting better anytime soon? And working as a beer promoter is a decent job with nice income to supplement the household.

Q)My woe is tell me what advice could i dispense to these 3 friends of mine?

P/S : It's so funny, how we dont talk anymore....................


  1. story no 1 and no 2 - I will never be able to relate. To me a marriage is as intimate as it can get between a man and a woman. Therefore feelings, and thoughts, should be laid out on the table. There's only he and she and nobody else here. Communicate your fears, insecurities, suspicions. Why pretend nothing's happening when something's not right? Trash it out if need be. Whatever. Just not sweeping it under the carpet and let the dirt accummulate.

    story no. 3 - perhaps try an alternative part-time job? Sales related?

  2. Suggestions:

    NO 1: until caught husband pants down, suspect no more :) and talk and observe :)

    NO 2: have some balls and tell the wife the brother is 30 yrs old...unless he tells u just to let off some steams and not really angry :)

    NO 3: sad situation....but why choose to be a beer promoter? no men can tolerate that :)

    PS: we still talk, but listen selectively :)

  3. Wah! Some newspaper or radio/tv station should employ you for the Agony Aunt column/show. Always so many problems to solve for your friends one! LOL!!!

  4. sound like their personal advisor huh! :p

    No1-->Confront him. The sooner the better. Husband and wife shouldn't hold back anything. She should ask her but in a gentler way of course.

    No2-->This is a little hard. But I thing he should find a win/win situation...try to persuade her to work?

    No3-->The husband should work to supplement the family income. What kind of husband is that! :)

    Well...that's my 2 cents worth. :p

  5. A little respect among couples would actually solve all the problems.

  6. 1 - if you have a reason to suspect, the level of trust is not there. confront the issue of trust, not issue of spouse with another

    2 - no means no. No obligations to help out BIL. Only spouse parents are his obligations

    3 - Beer promoter is not a decent job. Perceived as very low class too, esp for a married woman. Dignity and pride is also as important as money. Get another job.

  7. 1) Ask the management to rotate her to sales dept in which she can keep up with her husband day and night.. :)

    2) Instead of helping him in financial, why not get him a job or introduce him into direct sales..

    3) Not everybody can comprehend with those kind of job..I mean 'night job' such beer promoter.. why not get other job.I know beer promoter can get up to $1oo in a night..

  8. for case number 3, she could actually do some house cleaning job, the pay x bad cos can clean few houses in a day, and working time is very flexible.

  9. Eugene >
    These are all hard cases because if we give the wrong advice, we will cause more trouble.

    Story 1 : There's no best solution. But hoping and praying to God that the husband will admit his wrong doing and turn back from his wrong way will be the best. But if your friend is daring enough, she needs to ask her husband to check whether it is true. On the other hand, normally if a person has decided to go with other woman, he will go no matter who or what advice him not to do so. It just happened to my closest friend just recently. She left her husband although we advised her not to do so.

    Story 2: Helping extended family members are fine with me. Anyway, that's what the bible says "don't be tired to do good" even if you have to sacrifice. I've been doing good for many people despite my lack of money and properties, but it is indeed a joy to do so. However, having said that, this is a matter of personal preference and need to be studied on a case by case basis.

    Story 3 : The truth is, I am against drinking beer. I will not let my wife to do that kind of job. I guess, there are other jobs out there that can pay well. For me, I am doing a free lance photography. So there are times i have extra income and I provide a few training for companies almost every month.

    Maybe the wife has no qualification to do what I am doing but again, there should be other things that she can do. Cross my fingers.

  10. wow, that is terrific. well marriage is sacred so meaning we have top respect it. because that is necessary to do so...

  11. 1. Ask husband about it but not in a confrontational manner of course. Tell him that people are talking. No need to confront her. The husband should be the one to be confronted altho "confront" is not the way to do it. Find an appropriate moment for a heart to heart talk, definitely not in an accusational manner. Its not a matter of distrust, its natural that with people talking, you don't know what to think so its fair to ask.

    2. I think its time the brother find a job. Tell the wife that she is not helping her brother by helping him financially and sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.

    3. Find another supplementary job. Direct selling maybe? If she becomes a beer promoter she also has to tahan all those men who think its ok to raba-raba a beer promoter. Does she really want that?

    Wah, so many ppl so kaypoh want to become aunty agony. :P

  12. if i were u, i wouldnt get involved. it might backfire

  13. Eugene: no wonder u cannot sleep at times.. so many problems to solve...

    STP mentioned Radio or media should employ u.. no need of that, u can open one more blog called Dear Eugene or Dear Uncle Eugene.. hey, not bad wert..

    Ok, coming back to their problems, it is best not to stick anything in... we r not in their shoes n we dont know for sure who is right or wrong.. unless they urgently ask u for advice...

  14. claire has a good idea. eugene ponder on it during this long break and we'll see u with a new blog soon eh? :)

  15. Merryn, u agree to that too as well? Eugene, think about it.. it is a good move, a blog about marital problems, I am sure many readers would love to visit, something like Dear Thelma in the STAR which i love to read as well...

  16. Tq eugenen love reading your blog

  17. #1, talk to the hubby, and ask whether he did anything nasty to her, see what he responds (probably some hint will come out to her). Simply tell him that, you could lie to people about this most of the time, but you could not lie to your own self at all time. Hire a private investigator, if still doubtful.
    #2 See what the brother is good at, ask him to find a job or better ask him to help out at charity organistaion (at least food and probably transportation is taken care, then the allowance to him will be lesser).
    #3 Ask the hubby, to find a job, since his business is failure, no point to continue in a losing business unless he had a magic idea to turn around.

  18. as a wife, we need to give some space to our husband..

  19. Haiz... hearing such stories always make me scared of marriage.

    Eugene, hello, it's been awhile. I hope you've been well. :)

  20. hey Eugene, u macam "Be Frienders" leh, so many come to u when they facing personal problem.

  21. hiya bro.....long time no chat chat. been damn busy lately with my photography jobs and such. just to inform that my url has been changed to kinda long coz ive no money to buy my own site just yet.. :P


  22. Story no 1 : Tell the husband that she heard rumours. Ask him to be careful of his close friendship with the othe lady as it's causing rumours.

    Story No 2: Try telling the wife that he is saving $$ for their own children future?

    Story No 3: alternative partime job?

  23. interesting! thanks for sharing!

    ps you're invited to comment on my post too =)