Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Q & A on Divorce

Last night whilst i was having dinner with my family (my bro in law, my sister and her boy friend, my niece and nephew) we were engaging so intensely about love, fidelity, family and relationship. My newly divorced sister was telling how bad her tie with her ex had turned out to be since the divorce, not on talking term at all and sometime could be hostile to the extent that one party feels like so happy when seeing the other party suffers..............

Question) Why cant two adults amicably admit that, yes we recognize that we cant be husband and wife, let us remain friend at least for the sake of children....... ?

As we continued talking about the divorce, i was harping on the issues of the children's well being resulting from the parents' divorce, i told my sister that i could sense that children were in a way helpless and how the bickering could affect them emotionally, she said she didnt feel that the children had any resentment towards the parents' decision.

Question)Do you think it will not affect the children's emotionally if the parents' had the ugly divorce?

So as we still pursued on the same subject, i told my sister to really try to let go of the hatred and the resentment that she has built up against her ex, to at least enable the children to have some space of peace and to feel that even the the parents had to divorce but they could still feel the peace?

Question)Why do we sometimes make the children as a device to get even by the warring parents, or could it be that the children are the best weapon to be manipulated by the parents.?

Towards the end of the dinner, i told my sister that i loved my wife so much and i would do my best to give my children not material satisfaction but to give them a lot of love and affection but my sister argued that the husband cannot profess that he would love the wife till the end of time and the husband could only testify that his love for his wife only on her last breath, 盖棺定论.

Question) Do you really think that man just cant be faithful till the end of time?

P/S : When i said "I Love You" I meant it


  1. Eugene..sorry, mine is out of topic one.. referring to the previous post, why all of sudden comments on the govt from few of them?
    about the Q&A topic, it really depends on individual.. and how bad the marriage has turned out.. we dont know their true stories, we r not in their shoes so cannot really see who is right or wrong. Very subjective... but if one is forgiving, there would be no hatred or dislike for the other party.. so when one is unforgiving, the grudges will continue to linger on and on and on...

  2. Question) Do you really think that man just cant be faithful till the end of time?

    Sigh.. NO! I dont think really can especially if there is lots of temptations surrounding the MAN!!

    I dont know much, but to me it's just human nature, easily swift their feelings.

    Although the man love his wife very much, but if there is another prettier girl treated the man equally good as his wife, the man will easily fall in love with the new girl. Zzz..
    same goes to girl. T_T

    But ofcoz sure got exception as well, just very rare.

    I don't really have much faith.

  3. errrr..i not sure how i would comment on this topic hehehe..i just hope that after i get married one day , my future hubby would love me endlessly hahahahaa...

  4. Question) Do you really think that man just cant be faithful till the end of time?

    I believe it's possible..
    Although he/she might play with fire once or twice, it's a matter of to chose who to spend the life with.

  5. Yes i "try" to believe that! Hehehe because outside got too much temptation sometimes woman will also get the effect not only man! :p

  6. It does not matter to me if my husband can be faithful till the end of time. As long as he's being faithful while I am still alive is good enough for me. After all, if I leave first, I do wish that he can be happy for the rest of his life.

  7. LOL~ completely get what u mean!
    live long is meaningless without any "naughty-ness"? hahahaha..

    but nvm la.. my dad loves to make the juice, so as children just 1 gulp and finish it loh.. haha

  8. Err...hard to say. I better not judge people who got divorce. I'm sure they have their own reasons. If they can be friends although they got divorced then, why divorce in the first place?

    Anyway, le tus try our best to be faithful with our marriage yeah?

  9. It will surely affect the children. Don't said divorce, even if the parent is always fighting in front of the children, the children will be affected and when they grew up, they will easily lose faith in relationship.

  10. 1) A lot of adults have pride and eventually after a divorce they always want to show the other pary that they are the better one, so it bounds to have argument.

    2) Of course it will affect the children if the parent were to have a bad separation. To some children it will haunt them forever because they will keep thinking it is their fault that their parents divorce and losing either parent isn't really something good for the children. Never is.

  11. 3) A lot of parents would use their children as the weapon to save a marriage. That is common. But to me somehow if the marriage is going to end, there is no point using anyone as a weapon. That would just be forcing the person to stay but no point when the heart is no longer around.

    4) There are some guys that can, but of course majority of them can't. But eventhough per say, husband is to tell a wife "I love you until the end of time" of course it means either of their deaths. If their heart change, of course that is bad... but if the wife dies first and the husband re-marries doesn't mean that the husband does not love his first wife. It could mean he is lonely looking for companionship, or he he loves them both. Not just the husbands, the wives can be the same too.

    Afterall, we do love alot of people. I love my finace, my friends, my family bla bla... so why I can't love another partner if my first one have left due to death?

  12. I am agreed with cheeyee.
    If the husband is unfaithful, what the old saying "past performance indicates the tendency to repeat" is pretty applicable.

  13. this is really a complicated issue...sometimes, we know what is right to do (in order to protect our children) but the hurt and anger can make a person do otherwise...

  14. usually men prove their love by action more than words but women tend to hope that colorful words come from their love one's mouth exactly like a love novel.

    my mom's friend just had a divorce and she told mom that she really hope that her love life or married life is as beautiful as the novel she reads. weird, but true.

    i even asked some of my colleagues (women) and they agreed.

    women usually think or act based on emotion. no doubt that a lot of love novels have been bought by them. seriously!

    to me, when a couple or spouse divorce... they should be mature about it. its fated. accept the fate that has been written for them and must always believe that love is in the air which they shouldn't close their heart for others even though they will need more time to accept other as they are hurt.

    to act like kiddo by holding war against each other really will affect kid's life.

    they might see the kid smiles and laugh but deep down in their heart is crying. who want their parent to be apart? worse fighting each other till now?

    adult usually think that kid can't understand. but they must know, kid nowadays isn't like us 20 or 30 year ago. they are much smarter and what do you think you will feel if you put yourself in their shoes?

    i just think that adult should think properly before making any decision and if it has been made be mature, back to the good way... be friend. there is no win or lose when we take the first step.

    take care bro :)

  15. guys, be faithful to yr other half la..same goes to the gals..

  16. Wah Eugene, very deep leh ur Q...dunno how to comment here.

  17. we are talking about divorce here and most couples have reached the brink before they call it quits. As such, hatred and resentment is not unusual and emotional revenge is so common. So, some couples do turn ugly, did you read in The Star last wk ? Soon to be ex-wife splash acid on man and gf ?

  18. you know its true love when your wife is so terribly sick,bed-ridden,or suffering from kidney failure,struggling or fighting her life with cancer,and you were there ,if not ,always were there to clean her,wipe her,change her aldults napkins,cleans her vomit,or carries her to the toilet ...& you were just doing it,without a frown or without any swearing words why God gives you so much "trouble"...then that's what the word " I'LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU,MY DARLING " means - so well spoken by a good man.whatever the man does before the wife dies,and after the wife dies doesn't carries much weight .the true test is during such episodes as written above.

  19. "P/S : When i said "I Love You" I meant it"
    I like it! I heard this once came from the mouth of my dearest. I know he meant it.
    I think your sis really should try to let go of the hatred. It is going to build in her and it is going to be ugly in future if she cannot learn to let go and live on.
    But I am glad she has a brother like you.