Thursday, October 16, 2008

I wish i could tell you... i love you

I have said " i love you" to all of my family members in on way or another, but there is just one person that i never had the chance to do so, and never i would. I have carried this regret for almost 20 years now, and it bugged me again last night, so i decided to put in down in words and take it off my chest.

I was 16 years old then, and i was angry with him the whole day, didnt want to look at him and talk to him, he moved closely to me and laid his hand on my hair and gently he stroked my hair down, wanted to tell me something but the face i gave him prevented him from doing so. May be he was thinking to himself he should say something to me when he still could, but damn it i just lost the chance of saying something to him which i easily could, he was gently letting go of his hand from mine, and with his weakly voice he said this " Leong, (he used to call me this when i was younger) papa is going to Kuala Lumpur for medical checkp up, you take care". he just left it there without saying anything more, and as stubborn as i was, i didnt respond to him, lest i look at him, he feebly walked towards the door, and slowly i lost sight of him, when i made my stubburn head to turn to look at him, it was all too late, and that was the last time i saw my old man.

A friend of mine working in Kuala Lumpur called me up about 9.00 pm the next day, he was delivering a news that i wish i never needed to hear, he said to me " your papa is dying, and he wanted me to tell you that he loved you"

It was all too late for me now, i took a bus down to Kuala Lumpur with my mom and the other sister, and yes it was all too late for me, i had just lost somebody of whom i wanted to hug and say i love you to but i never could.....

sorry guys i cant continue ,,,,,,

P/S.. pap if you could hear me now, i love you


  1. *speechless*
    As u said u were 16...
    At that age, we tend to be very different ..
    we are wiser and more matured now..

  2. don't blame yourself, i'm sure he knew it :)

    i love my mum but i never tell her because i just couldn't say it out.

  3. This is a sad story.
    We tend to neglect things/people when we own them or have them by our side. But regret like crazy when we lose them.
    At the age of 16, you were still too young to act maturely. I believe your dad knows you didn't treat him that way on purpose. He will still love you like he did before.

  4. There's nothing that I can say that will make you feel better or anything that I could say that you would want to hear.

    Here's a virtual hug! *Hug*

  5. was here::condolence to all the family---

  6. My mom passed away at the time I thought was the best moment in my life. I was in love, just completed my degree and was appointed a research assistant and about to continue my post-graduate. Just a phone call early in the morning woke me up and all dreams shattered. I took the longest ever bus journey from KL to Arau, came back at home my mom was already in the coffin.Not a single word from her, she left so sudden. I guess the turn of event in life is something that beyond our control. I didn't continue my post-graduate as the person who always proud of me is no longer around. Believe me , despite their leaving, the person who love us the most will always be around, like a guardian angel watching us from somewhere.I'm not bluffing you, I remember many years ago when I was almost broke I dreamt of my mom calling me, talking to me softly, asking me to take care of myself and my younger brothers. The next day I went and bought 4D, my handphone number, at that time I did not have a house phone, only handphone. Believe me, I struck, the prize money eased me from all financial trouble.

  7. *sigh* Sometimes, things left unsaid makes us regret so much. maybe, all of us should learn how to be more open with our feelings towards others. :-D

  8. your blog woke me up. I have never told my parents before I love them.

  9. u were just sixteen at that time, it's really not your fault.Teenagers will always be like that. One thing u should know, he knows you love him too.

    ok don't be sad cheer up

  10. hmm... now i know y did u tell me those things .. actually i do post something lik this on my blog b4 ... but i have to check which blog i wrote at b4 i could lik tell u my blog link ... haha .. im sorry ... seriously .. i can understand ur feelings at that moment ... u want to ... but u cant anymore ... i learn this not long ago ... to appreciate everything i have now ... though sometimes still being bit naughty ... because this is me ... but i still learn to appreciate them more n more everyday ... i really hope there is ntg that i would b regret bout in future ....

    though, i only read 1 of ur blog ... cause is a bit late not ... but i could feel the way u write ur blog is the way i usually do write too .. haha ....

    this is the blog i recently do update .. haha ...but that blog i said jus now is at the blogger page...i jus copypaste from friendster ...

  12. reminds me of the hatred i harbored for my mother and which i carried with me for a very long time. those teenage years were very turbulent times in my life, looking back, i tend to regret now some of the things that i have done during those days but those were the days man... gone forever and things cannot be undone anymore. just wish it were a little bit different then, just wishful thinking man. i have ask for forgiveness to my mom already and the only thing still that i haven't done is say " i love you mom" to her. i live about an hour and ten minutes away by plane from my mom and about a day and a half to two days by boat. as soon as i can, i promise that i will tell her how much i do love her, now that i still have the time... thank you bro for this reminder, makes me sad and teary eyed while reading this but reminded me of my desire to say to my mom how much i love her and thank her for laboring for my existence in this world. thanks bro!

  13. the father's love... is pretty much unconditional... he loved you without expectations and i'm sure he knew that you loved him too, and his concern was not so much of whether you loved him... but for you to know that he loved you, because it is what you needed. =)

  14. That post really caught my attention. Well a father's love knows no boundaries so whatever it is, I'm sure he's still looking out for you like your own angel and loves you immensely. You were very young so don't blame yourself, even I have problems telling my parents how much I love them.

  15. im moved by this post.

    very sad... but like what sis reanaclaire said, you were only 16 then... your dad knew better. and im sure he knows how much you love him... :)

  16. u were just 16 then...teen gets very stubborn at that age...I'm sure he knows that u luv him at that time...don't be so sad

    u reminded me of one thing. i never say "i luv u" to my parents :-\ ...and i don't know how and where to start...

    can i just send email telling them that i luv them..??