He is not that tough anymore....

I have got only one brother (of different father) and he had been a drug user since he was like 17 years old and now he is 54, he quit that vice about 10 years ago.

He is a very intelligent man but too bad that was not put to a good use, when he was small which I could remember, he was always "brain washed" by my grand mother that nobody loved him, nobody cared for him and my father (his step father) was ever so bad too him.

Since small, he harbored that resentment, he left house around the age of 16 years old, bad company came along and probably he thought that "drug" was his sanctuary and his solace, he stuck to it for many many years.

Fast forward to now, 3 years ago, he was diagnosed with neck cancer, 3rd stage he was told and suddenly this "tough" guy became so vulnerable, he is no longer that man that I once knew that even "death" would not scare him.

I keep in touch with him constantly,even though we had never been close but that dreaded disease has since bridged that void between the two of us, I love him and I wish he could feel it because I knew that he was never loved before.

Sadly, in his remaining days, his body weakens day by day, I knew he wanted to "make it up"  or to make amends with the rest of us, it doesn't really matter of the past anymore.

It is funny I have never seen a tear streaming down his eyes for as long as I could remember but now I can see some already.

May be the least I can do now, is to be there for him, to call him and making him feel that he has got a brother who still cares.

P/S : He ain't heavy , he's my brother

For the first time...

For the first time I hugged him so hard,(I am glad that he responded likewise,it was just not him to do that) for the first time I cried for him and for the first time,I had this strange feeling that I was losing him.........

So the deadly cancer struck him once again, he was timed to go for chemotherapy today,even though he appeared nonchalant towards his illness but I knew he was dead scared......

For the first time, I told him that I loved him and I really meant it, even though we had never been close but moment like this,nothing else mattered, he ain't heavy, he is my brother.

Life is indeed funny, why must it always need a moment such like this for us to have a gut for hugs,for some tears and for uttering the words "I love you" ..?

I really don't know what the future holds for him, I am worried  that his frail and aged body would not be able to withstand the onslaught of the chemo treatments but what can I do except to pray for him.

P/S : Bro Steven, I hope you know that you have a bro that cares and loves ya...May God strengthen you ya