As my lovely 12 years old son Jovial was browsing through the Sunday paper together with me, suddenly he halted and asked, " Papa, what is rape, can explaine to me or not?" i asked him where did you see the word "rape"? , he said " here, in the newspaper."
I was scratching my head, how to explaine to him,huh so i told him please give me a few minutes on the pretext of going to the toilet. When i was done with the loo, i sat him with me, and i said this to him, " Remember, what papa told you about respect, and i shared with you what sex was, remember not the honey and the bee analogy ? " to further recomfirm his understanding about sex, i explained to him how his papa and mama had sex, and gave birth to him and his brother, and because i loved his mother.
So as to explained what "rape" was to him, i said it was about some men force some girls to have sex with them without their permission, and they dont care about the girls' feeling and sometimes they would use force. I paused for a while and then i asked, " Jovial, do you understand what i was saying, ?" and then he said, " yes, so rapists are perverts, right.Papa?"and i nodded and said, " sort of"
I huffed and puffed my relief, as i knew he understood to certain extent what "rape" was, and i ended our conversation by saying this to him, " Jo, remember, you must also have respect for the girls, ok?"
Q) what was the hardest explaination you ever needed to divulge to your children?
P/S : Sometimes, bold talking is better than sheepishly speaking.
Agree with you!
ReplyDeleteoh.. nice to share this.. :D
ReplyDeletehey Eugene..
ReplyDeleteI still remember how difficult it was to explain to my 5 yr old son when he asked me how babies are made.
I was 'equipped' with charts and pictures when explaining to him.
I guess he understands now as he does not ask me the question anymore.
You did a great job for being a father...even im not married yet..soon i will be at your situation..and i really knw how hard you wanted to explain to your children and really hope they really understand it without spoilt it.
ReplyDeleteJust need to share you with this...i believe that..some of teenagers...they don't even understand about this SEX thing..even one of my cousin...she's 22...she don't even know how the menstrual works..i even said to her..."tidak pernah belajar ka tu dalam sains di sekolah dulu?"...she said "sia inda minat sains!"...if she don't even know about this simple thing that she've been thru in her life...so what else if it's about SEX??..what do you think about this??
wah you so "keng"! you know in my Chinese culture.. parents never like to share or teach especially sex education one instead they might keep saying when you grown bigger or adult age you will definitely know that time now you still small no need to understand all these..... haizz...
ReplyDeleteBut now my nephews and nieces they are very smart. They know how baby come out & they know from where. How to get baby etc... sometimes they can even answer very details rather than i do. Don't know whether is good or not but then i know the kids are smarter than last time.... just hope that they will learn how to protect themselves =)
yes...lay the cards on the table and explain in detail... jovial is smart.. pervert the word, my girl doesnt know yet la..
ReplyDeleteI don't have any children yet. Guess will face the same thing when I have one. Nowadays kids are curious about anything.
ReplyDeleteHaha...My son has not ask that question yet. So, I reserve my comment.
ReplyDeleteI like the way u explain it to ur sons...
ReplyDeleteBold Talking is certainly better. No need to bush around the bush hoping that they would understand.
ReplyDeleteGreat! He just can understand it after you explain...
ReplyDeletegreat ..i will probably use your explanation few years down the road when my kid asked me the same question.
ReplyDeleteKids nowadays likes to know everything.....very important parents to educate them properly..
ReplyDeleteAnd You did a great job! :) I know you are a good daddy!
sometimes we gotta be frank and tell it right, the first time. Don't be like my grandma and mom, they told me babies come out from armpits. I had real horrible thoughts of having babies when i was a kid. Then they told me babies come out from belly buttons. Another nightmare !
ReplyDeleteQuestions like this are difficult to answer! I must get myself prepared before I have a baby!
ReplyDeletei think you had given your son a matter-of-fact explanation and that is really what is needed instead of giving the honey and bee story....i wouldnt have any idea of how to explain if i had a son :)
ReplyDeleteKids these days grow up very fast. Just have to be frank and talk to them like they're responsible adults and they'll grow up to be responsible too. Better than they groping in the dark by themselves and not necessarily get the right info...
ReplyDeleteWow! If my kid ask me this...I will go to the toilet for....half and hour. LOL :D
ReplyDeleteBut you answer it effortlessly. :p Good one bro.
ReplyDeleteAnyway I have just "coca-cola" you! :)
Luckly Jovial can understand...I know I'll facing the same question soon as my hyperactive nephew growing up now..
ReplyDeleteGood to educate kids on sex. You are good in explaining these to your kid!
ReplyDeleteoh my goodness, that's the hardest part being a parent.. I dont know if I'm ready for those kind fo questions... but I do admire how you told him the truth and a proper way too, coz maybe if I was the one I would just make up something I dont know... children will grow up fast and sooner or later they'll find out one way of the other so it's best to tell them the truth.... I did learn from this post. thanks.
ReplyDeleteAt least, you are not goofed about explaining to Jo, unlike most Malaysians do.
ReplyDeleteHe will certainly grow up respecting women.
very good technique..
ReplyDeleteyes, the only wrong thing now is, even young people, kids they were aware about those words. And in our hands is the only way to prevent them from that.
ReplyDeleteFor me,Ill probably tell him to ask Papa :p
ReplyDeleteI pray that both of your sons won't be chauvinist pigs who disrespect and belittle women when they grow up. I hope when they grow up, they'll be just like you.
ReplyDeletewell done, so true!
ReplyDeletebold talking works.. be clinical abt it, not sordid, neutral not biased.
sheepish talk is for cowardly bleaters! heheheheh
great blog!
being parents is not as easy as i always thought, especially when you try to put words in a more decent way to educate them. you did a great job :) love the last sentence - always have respect for the girls *thumbs up*
ReplyDeleteThat is a good job explaining to junior there.
ReplyDeleteBut remember to tell him to respect himself too and not do things that will damage his life.
Hey Guys,
ReplyDeleteThank you for all your comments,truly appreciate it, and luv ya.
i am your friend.
Eugene
hmmmm..very soon it will be my turn to answer to my two boys on this question.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing. :)