An elderly couple manning a Wan Tan Mee stall in one of my favourite coffeeshops, it is a well known fact among us the regulars that the husband of this auntie selling Wan Tan Mee has a very temper.
He doesn't have to choose the right time to flair his temper and lash out unkind words at his wife,especially when the business is good and the orders get topsy turvy, he would shout out in cantonese," Lei moh lo " loosely translated "you are stupid" and the wife will then mumble in protest but never will she retaliate..i have seen this scence far too many times, then one day.........
Same scene took place, i was sitting near their stall and i walked up to the auntie when the husband was walking away after throwing his tantrum and i asked her in Mandarin," auntie, 你可以忍耐你老公的脾气 auntie you can tolerate your husband's bad temper, you are good lo."
She looked at me smilingly," ai yo, 习惯成自然，认命了 so many years i have married to this monster, so used to it already lah.,"
In retrospect, i was thinking to myself, how convenient this statement is," so used to it already lah". I remember vividly there have been many occasions that my wife would make this similiar statement to my friends when asked of her if i had bad temper,my wife would conveniently say," so used to it already lah,"
It got me thinking again, if my wife could conveniently say," so used to it already lah" does that warrant me not to improve on myself or simply overlook her unhappiness with me to certain extent to continue a marriage the way it is,,," So used to it already lah"
I rather have my lovely wife saying this to my friends," He has changed already lah than so used to it already lah"
P/S : Taking things for granted is short changing others.
it reminded me of my own aunt and uncle...sometimes they argue up to an extend that always shout here and there, regardless who is in front of them...yet...it's already been more than 30 years since they got married and even their children (my cousins) said "so used to it already lah."
ReplyDeleteguess that the marriage work for the wan tan mee uncle and his wife because he has a good wife that tolerate his temper all thru the years....
=)
"so used to it already lah." is very commonly use.
ReplyDeletesometimes nothing to say so say this lor. Tak kan lah cry in front of the customer and complaint about own husband. If the husband is good, then he will take note and control his temper like you.
Marriage have to take and give lo. Maybe the WTM seller bad temper when he is stress but at home a very loving husband and father.
I thing she just said it...for the sake of saying it? :p
ReplyDeleteLOL... I always say, " He has changed a lot liao!" whenever I made a comment on my husband... well, that's the true what, I'm definitely not the 'humble' type of person!:p
ReplyDeleteHave a lovely morning!
so... when will be that change? :) are u going to do something about it? so far, no one tells me this.. hahaa...
ReplyDeleteI always say this sentence too! In my working place, or at home, LOL :D
ReplyDeleteLike it or not, sometimes I really got numb in certain situations which occured frequently, so the sentence comes very naturally..
I also don't like when my husband takes me for granted, but I am good in reminding him if he ever does that.
ReplyDelete'so used to it' means your wife can accept you just the way you are..
ReplyDeleteWhen you wish somebody to change, and if it didnt happen, you're get very frustrated...
Just take it as 'I love him just the way he was..is..and will be' :)
Eugene,
ReplyDeleteThings need not be that way. In the case of the auntie, she is saying that , it is like she has not option, no choice.
But we do have a choice don't we. we can change. Gone are the days where I get irritate for nothing .now I just ignore when ever there is 'fight' it takes two to quarrel. when we are angry ,we can't think straight and often utter words which we will regret later.There is
the Malay proverb that goes like this terlajak perahu boleh diundur, terlajak kata badan binasa.
Proverbs 18:21 says Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.
I don't want to sound too spiritual, but we can be transformed if we allows God to work in us. I loved my wife therefore I want to change, I don't want to hurt her, after all I married her right? By loving her more we are actually loving ourself are we not?
Have a nice day bro.
I think what the aunty really does is compromising and understanding the way the husband is.. I don't think they think they have a problem with that... it's just an attitude and I see many like that in the older generation. It's a shame, but it's their culture.
ReplyDeleteEugene, you said,"Taking things for granted is short changing others." Basically, it is short-changing oneself more for having to suffer the abuse.
ReplyDeleteI think this is not uncommon among Chinese hawkers of the previous generation. I've encountered the same scenario too - either in Cantonese, Hokkien or Teochew. Sigh.. It is so unfair to the one who gets the brunt of such tantrums. Everyone deserves better treatment and respect.
Haizz.. you know anot, we women sometimes got fed up with men's obnoxious and nonsense? Hence "Used to it oredi lah!" I oso got fed up ma. tell them their flaws, they go berserk like some godzilla. So got so lazy... why lower ourself women to become a shrew of a nag for unworthy men? Nobody can change a man, unless he is in diapers!
ReplyDeleteHmm....cannot take things for granted lo....
ReplyDeleteAwareness is the start to change. Effort marks its endurance and ultimately its strength of success.
ReplyDeleteWomen from those days are far more compromising than the modern women today. There was hardly any divorce cases compared to these days.
ReplyDeleteIt is a 2 way traffic. One willing to tolerate while another simply flare temper. In my hometown, there is this yong tau fu stall. Exactly like this. The husband is so bad temper but the wife always keep quiet only.
ReplyDeleteBtw, I like to argue with hubby too :) Whenever I think it is not right, i will argue and he always said I want to WIN. But that is not the case. I have to speak up my opinion too, isn't?
"So used to it already lah" is a very common statement from my mouth, but only towards my boss. Because I'm not putting any hope that my boss will change himself for a better person. But I rarely say it to my hubb, unless when I wanna provoke him :p
ReplyDeleteWell said Eugene, there's no such thing as 'used to it' esp when it's a negative trait. A man or woman for that matter should work at improving themselves.
ReplyDeletePeople in the old days marry for life - for better or for worse. Many wives had to tolerate the abusive behaviour of the husbands...as the man was the master of the house, he provided for her, gave her a roof above her head...and she, on her part, would be expected to fulfil her duties.
ReplyDeleteTime has changed. The status of women have changed and they should be treated a lot better than those in the past. No, that is no excuse to carry on...not even when your missus says that she is used to it already. You have to appreciate what a good wife she is, what a good mother to the children...and CHANGE!!! LOve must be nurtured.
In politics, you people always say you want change, vote for change...but in your own lives, you never change!!!
Hey, are you talking about the coffee shop right across your office? I knew the wantan mee couple.
ReplyDeleteThey used to frequent my church. But never know, he has a bad temper. Looks are certainly deceiving!
when i hv a bf, i will be sending him to png to be trained n educate by u. ok!
ReplyDelete